Train Up a Child

I think it was pastor Bill Wilson whom I first heard say, "The teacher has not taught until the student has learned."  This concept can be applied to the training of children by parents as well.  Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."  This is an inspired statement of truth.  Parents can feel content with the fact their child attends church, memorizes scripture and doctrine, has been baptised, or makes a profession of faith.  But this does not mean the child is being trained.  If we would have our children follow the steps of Christ even as we follow Him, parents have a responsibility to train their children.

Speaking as a parent, our mistake is often made because we misunderstand what it means to "train."  Many parents (me included!) tend to "tell" our children rather than to "train" them.  When a soldier embarks to "basic training," he is not merely addressed verbally by his superiors in a classroom setting.  Basic training is training for the body, mind, and will for a specific purpose:  each soldier is trained for his role in combat.  He suffers deprivation of sleep, food, is worked to utter exhaustion in extreme environments to enable him to endure the battlefield and be a viable member of his support team.  Can you imagine what kind of soldier has never actually run in his boots, cleaned or fired his gun, or faced moments of difficult decisions in the face of enemy fire?  No one is born a soldier:  they are made through training.  The tragic day of moral and spiritual decay in which we live is a testimony that many parents "tell" their children rather than training them.  You cannot train your children without a goal in sight.  If a man is trained as a soldier so he may effectively fight for his country and comrades, for what purpose are you training your children?  To be moral citizens?  To succeed in a high-paying career?  To be tough?  To follow their hearts?  As Christians, we are to train our children to become men and women of God as they grow in a relationship with Jesus Christ.  All morality, a vigorous work ethic, all godly qualities of character, and goodness spring only from this single Living Source.

Notice that the text does not say, "Train up your children..." but keeps child in the singular tense.  This is of great importance.  Every child must be trained differently because they have unique temperaments, inclinations, and personalities.  What may be effective training for one child may not be adequate for another.  Therefore, one difficult job of parents is to intimately know their children and continually initiate communication with them.  We must intimately know their character, current stage of life, goals, loves, concerns, fears, and cares.  The training of children requires their parents to love and take a personal interest in each one.  When we create a false reality where no true freedom nor responsibility exists, we do our children a disservice.  We must encourage their obedience and good choices, while administering appropriate discipline, enforcing consequences, and boundaries.  Instead of sowing discord through ambiguity or outright hypocrisy, we are to be clear and consistent.  This means that we must apologize when we are out of order, even as we tell them to apologize when they do wrong.  That is when the telling becomes training.

It is good for me to continually remind myself that my children measure my words against my life with the precision of a surgeon and the tenacity of a wolverine.  Even a small child has strong views of what is fair and unjust.  My children will not tell me when they see me playing the hypocrite, but their behaviour will often reflect what I do.  For instance, let's say I tell my boys they need to wash their hands with soap before they sit down to eat dinner.  They will watch me to see if I do the same.  If I sit down to the table without washing on a regular basis, they will wonder why they must do something I do not.  In their minds, it is an unjust to demand that they wash their hands when the lawgiver of the house will not submit to his own rule.  Even something as simple as hand washing slowly can erode the ability of a parent to train their children through hypocrisy.  If I place limits upon their screen time or deem what is appropriate or inappropriate based upon content or ratings, I ought to apply limits to myself as well.  A parent may maintain outer compliance through threats and intimidation, but rebellion in the heart of the child will grow.

What is the way our children should go?  Jesus says in John 14:6:  "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me."  Jesus did not simply tell His disciples what they should do, but He was a living model for them to see.  He did not say "You must be the servant of all" and wait to be served by others:  Jesus washed the feet of the disciples as a pattern for them to follow.  Jesus did not admonish His disciples to love one another and act selfishly:  He humbled Himself to become flesh and died sacrificially on the cross for the sins of the world.  His Words carried great meaning:  "Love one another as I have loved you."  How did Jesus love us?  While we were still sinners, Jesus died for us.  Training is not just the exercise of a mind to consider, but a change in the heart to will and do.  It is the indwelling Holy Spirit in the lives of believers who empowers us to live as we ought as it is written in Philippians 2:13, "...for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure."

Every parent wants their children to excel in every facet of life on earth as God should tarry.  But unless we are training our children according to God's Word and Way, we hinder them from the success they should enjoy if we were faithful to our calling.  God has a way of making up for all our deficiencies, but that does not mean we are free from the responsibility to obey Him and pray earnestly for our kids.  Praise God that He has given us the perfect example of being a good Father.  We can look to Him and He will direct us in the way we should go!