Parent Up!

"The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother."

Proverbs 29:15

On the cusp of battle against Israel, the Philistines were afraid.  They had heard of the miraculous wonders and deliverance by the power of God and knew they were no match.  But they were determined to fight Israel to prevent being made servants over those they had long oppressed.  They rallied themselves in 1 Samuel 4:9:  "Be strong and conduct yourselves like men, you Philistines, that you do not become servants of the Hebrews, as they have been to you. Conduct yourselves like men, and fight!"  In modern vernacular, they urged one another to "Man up!" and fight like their lives, freedom and prosperity depended on it.  The Philistines won the battle, and God in time used it as an occasion to prove His supremacy over their god Dagon, plagued their cities for months, and Israel came to understand their need to rely on Him alone.  God was faithful to redeem the situation start to finish.

When it comes to parenting children, there is a need for parents to show at a minimum the same grit and resolve the Philistines had and "Parent up!"  We have strength beyond ourselves in our heavenly Father Who loves us and in Jesus Who is wisdom for us.  A father and mother best embrace their roles as parents by loving God and one another, together trusting and seeking God who allows conception and brings to the birth.  Parents are wise to fear God and provide a constant example of Christlikeness in submission to Him and one another in love, embracing their God-given task of raising a little one with the knowledge of God, providing for physical needs, nurturing, caring through consistent and well-weighted discipline, education and training.  Spending time with children and learning to communicate effectively is so important to convey your love, establish boundaries and expectations, and to encourage little ones as they grow.

Solomon provides insight to prospective or current parents that wisdom is given to children by the rod and rebuke that complement one another.  A common error exasperated parents make is they have neglected one or the other:  they have taken action to discipline without effective communication, or they habitually use words without consistent, corresponding action.  Whatever action employed for constructive discipline ought to be agreed upon by the parents according to God's word.  Threats, complaints, shouting, and pleading by themselves are impotent means of conveying wisdom.  Willful disobedience ought not to be laughed off or treated lightly.  Children learn to read their parents long before they can read words on a page or speak in complete sentences.  They quickly learn to masterfully exploit and manipulate doting parents who do not realise they are in a pitched battle of the will they retreat from and can surrender to.  The groundwork parents lay in a child's infancy will either be a bridge to learning and walking in God's wisdom or work to undermine all efforts to that end.  As Proverbs 29:17 says, "Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul."  Corrective action and words must be used together.

Solomon observed this in the training of household servants in Proverbs 29:19:  "A servant will not be corrected by mere words; for though he understands, he will not respond."  When it comes to correction, words are often not enough to illicit genuine change.  A stubborn child can shrug off words easily as he exerts his own will.  Such a one needs to be looked in the eye, spoken to in a caring manner so there is understanding, and physically restrained or moved.  The object must be put down; little hands should not be allowed to strike a parent.  Children are just as tireless as teens and adults to have their way, and the sooner they learn they are not in charge the better it is for everyone.  Solomon also gave a warning in Proverbs 29:21:  "He who pampers his servant from childhood will have him as a son in the end."  The idea is a coddled servant will never grow to be a fit servant and become a dependent and liability.

There is no perfect parent or child on this planet, but praise the LORD God is our Father in heaven who always knows what to do, what to say, and what He is doing.  When parenting feels all too much we are reminded God is not overwhelmed with our situation and can redeem even our fails for His good purposes.  As He has been gracious, merciful and good to us, we can exhibit His love with the rod and reproof to give wisdom.  Whether our children choose to receive God's wisdom is their responsibility, but as much as depends upon us let us always be faithful to pray for them, encourage, listen, be patient, correct when needed, confess our faults when we have sinned, and exhibit grace and forgiveness to build them up in our LORD.  Let us not leave our children to their own devices or to go their own way without correction, for that is the sure way to disgrace.