Remorse Isn't Repentance

God has placed in every person a conscience, a moral faculty which aids us in knowing right from wrong.  The fact we deem certain actions or behaviour immoral shows humans are moral beings.  Without breaking a law we can feel guilty about what we have said or done which is contrary to our own principles.  Though the conscience of everyone develops according to beliefs, even if we were governed by conscience alone all people embrace a system of right and wrong.  As important the knowledge of right and wrong is, knowledge of doing wrong is insufficient to put things right.  Feelings of guilt are not enough to atone for our sin, regardless of how prolonged or profound they might be.  Without repentance there can be no forgiveness, no matter how awful we feel.

One biblical example which comes to mind is Judas, the man who betrayed an innocent man named Jesus to His death.  He secretly sought out the chief priests and agreed to betray Jesus Christ for 30 pieces of silver.  From that time he waited for an opportunity to deliver Jesus to them.  After Judas led the Jewish leaders to Jesus to arrest him, even a man who had been possessed with Satan felt bad about what he had done.  Matthew 27:3-5 reads, "Then Judas, His betrayer, seeing that He had been condemned, was remorseful and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, ⁴ saying, "I have sinned by betraying innocent blood." And they said, "What is that to us? You see to it!" ⁵ Then he threw down the pieces of silver in the temple and departed, and went and hanged himself."  It is evident Judas experienced a massive weight of guilt for betraying innocent blood.  He went to the temple, perhaps hoping the feelings of guilt would subside if he unloaded his sinful wages.  When they refused, he threw the silver at them.  Apparently offloading the silver did nothing to ease his suffering, for so consumed was Judas by guilt he committed suicide by hanging himself.

On the night Jesus was betrayed he said to all His disciples in Matthew 26:24, "The Son of Man indeed goes just as it is written of Him, but woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed! It would have been good for that man if he had not been born."  Jesus pronounced woe upon Judas, knowing he would not repent.  A smattering of details are scattered throughout the Gospels which show Judas followed Jesus in word but was not a genuine follower.  He certainly had a working conscience, for Judas called Jesus "Rabbi" when the other disciples called him "Lord" (Matthew 26:19-25)  He held a distinct position among the disciples as the treasurer but was a hypocrite and thief (John 12:4-6).  God is absolutely consistent:  all who humble themselves and repent of their sins will be forgiven - and this offer was extended to Judas as well.  Instead of repenting Judas was consumed in guilt and chose to violently end his own life, a fitting end for a man poisoned with sin.

Esau is another classic case of a man who rejected repentance.  When he was swindled out of his blessing by Jacob, he was upset and rightly so.  Yet instead of accepting blame for giving away his birthright for a bowl of lentil stew, Esau felt he had been wronged when it was his own fault.  He nursed a murderous grudge against his brother, and Jacob was not safe until he moved far away.  Hebrews 12:14-17 says, "Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: ¹⁵ looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled; ¹⁶ lest there be any fornicator or profane person like Esau, who for one morsel of food sold his birthright. ¹⁷ For you know that afterward, when he wanted to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no place for repentance, though he sought it diligently with tears."  Esau felt really bad and shed many tears, but bad feelings did nothing to restore Esau's relationship with God or his brother.  Punishing himself with condemnation or the guilt of others against him did nothing to cleanse Esau of sin.

We can labour under the misunderstanding our bad feelings of guilt for wrongs are sufficient payment before man and God.  The Jesuits used to practice self-flagellation as pennance for their sins, and people do the same today with their feelings of guilt and self-loathing.  When our wrongs are brought to remembrance we may cry out, "Haven't I suffered enough?  When will my pain ever end?"  These bad feelings can bring us to despair and even turn to anger and resentment.  Continually beating ourselves up over our mistakes or condemning ourselves is never the path God intends.  The truth is, we are already condemned by sin.  Esau was condemned before he plotted to kill Jacob, and Judas was condemned before he betrayed Jesus.  We all must repent and be born again through the Gospel to be forgiven and receive atonement for our sin.  We must recognise Jesus has suffered for us, and we must own our wrongs without any self-pity.  It is necessary for us to own our sin, like when David was confronted with his sin with Bathsheba and Urijah.  Repentance should be accompanied with contrition and feelings of sorrow and by grace we experience restoration before a holy, just God.  Remorse or bad feelings aren't repentance but should be evident in our repenting.

Feelings of regret and remorse are useful in causing us to examine our hearts and lead us to repent before God.  Once we have truly owned and repented of a sin we are truly free.  We do not need to condemn or punish ourselves any more - as if Christ's blood is not effectual to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.  Those who repent are no longer slaves to sin, feeling the need to cover our tracks, justify ourselves, or play the hypocrite.  With a clear conscience before God and man we do not need to defend ourselves, for Christ has forgiven us and set us free.  David's sin was ever before him, but it didn't need to wound him any more.  God brought healing to his soul and restoration before the righteous Judge.  Psalm 51:6-8 reads, "Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts, and in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom. ⁷ Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. ⁸ Make me hear joy and gladness, that the bones You have broken may rejoice."  Remorse leads only to guilt, but repentance ultimately leads to rejoicing.