Establishing Boundaries

"Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord."

Colossians 3:20

God's commands for children to obey they parents in all things implies parents first are responsible to give clear guidance for their children to heed.  If parents are negligent to establish boundaries and take action when children delay or disobey, this blurs the line which should remain clear.  Delayed obedience is disobedience, and parents ought to correct such transgression immediately with disciplinary action.  Solomon wisely observed the knock-on effect of delayed discipline in Ecclesiastes 8:11:  "Because the sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil."  Parents ought to set a boundary, explain the consequence for crossing that boundary, and then are responsible before God to take appropriate action to discipline their children, and praise them when they do well.

Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."  Setting clear boundaries and keeping your word to enforce correction is important in training your children to listen to you.  Parents are wise to learn they primarily train their children by example, and a lot of training happens by the patterns parents allow to develop.  Today I was in the shops and a boy around 5 years of age was wailing to have his way:  "I want to buuuy it!"  I don't believe the boy had money, and I don't think he was actually going to buy anything:  he wanted Dad to buy something for him.  Though they initially left the area, they later returned to the aisle and the attitude of the boy was very different--bubbly and excited.  In simply influencing his father to return to the aisle, he had notched a critical victory.  As I walked by I heard the father trying to reason with his child, that he already had many such things.  This reasoning, of course, did not sway the insistent lad, for he had been already trained at an expert level that what Dad said did not matter because there they were, looking at the toys again.

Parents ought to set boundaries, and children will always push to see where the line begins and ends.  A line might figuratively be a mile wide, so it is good to keep it as thin as possible by taking action when the front of the line is crossed.  The lines drawn by parents can be crossed in seemingly innocuous ways--but when it is a matter of the will, that slight transgression is a big deal.  For instance, a parent should never need to repeat a directive to their children.  There are instances when a child does not physically hear, but it is more likely they heard and decided to ignore what they did not want to hear or agree with.  Then parents begin to repeat themselves.  But because there was no consequence for disobedience the first time, the child is trained (by their parents!) they do not have to listen; they are free to do as they please.  It then becomes anger expressed by a parent or shouting that becomes the new boundary to observe, and as kids grow older they will become less sensitive to this--and they will even reply in kind!  Parents can save themselves great exasperation and train their children to obey when they make clear boundaries, say it once, and uphold their own word with swift discipline.

Many behavioural problems in children can be improved when their parents take seriously their God-given role to train their children.  Growing in maturity takes time and effort, and God has given us the love we need by the Holy Spirit and the wisdom in His word to guide us as parents or children.  When kids grow up in a family, they are like the children of Israel after the exodus from Egypt who were called to submit to and heed the leadership of Moses.  A time would come when Moses would pass away and they would enter the promised land, and there is a time when our children will leave and establish their own families.  While they were in the wilderness however, God was their sovereign and Moses was their leader who made judgments concerning them according to God's wisdom.  Parents and children have a similar relationship even in our age of grace.  By the Law of Moses is the knowledge of sin, and boundaries set by parents provide freedom and safety for children to grow in character.

Giving More Grace

During my university days long ago, my co-workers and I had a dress-up for fun.  I worked in shipping a receiving and fashioned a hat out of a large manilla folder that resembled a bishop's hat.  "Do you know why those hats are shaped like that?" a co-worker asked.  She offered, "Those hats were made in the shape of Dagon modelled after a fish, and by wearing that hat you are worshipping Dagon."  I was incredulous and at this suggestion, for I could not see how wearing a hat in any way paid homage to a heathen idol.  Once I was made aware she found the hat offensive, I did not goad her by wearing it.

When I grew up in the church, no one I knew ever took issue calling the holiday "Easter" that is a celebration of the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.  As a kid there was simply no other name in Christians circles I ever heard the holiday called.  It was probably in my twenties when I noticed a shift in our church and the name "Easter" became connected and thus contaminated with pagan practices that supposedly had been Christianised.  As political correctness swept society, what I grew up calling "Easter" became "Resurrection Sunday."  It was seen by some as poor form (or lacking spiritual maturity) to call the holiday Easter because of the historical trappings some associated with it.  It seemed people wanted to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus without being swept up in the controversy over eggs, bunnies and the commercial aspects of the holiday, so "Resurrection Sunday" stuck.  It became the safe, acceptable Christian name for the exact same holiday.

Personally, I have no problems with Christians calling the holiday Easter or Resurrection Sunday.  You can call it the same name and give all honour and glory to Jesus Christ our risen LORD.  In no way does someone who says "Easter" means they are advocating any pagan practices or unwittingly promoting wickedness--any more than wearing a hat out of cardboard is viewed by God as accidental idol worship.  Romans 14 says we have the liberty in Christ to esteem one day more than another, and we also have liberty to call it what we like without condemnation.  Some Gentiles who came to Christ were stumbled when Christians ate meat that was offered to idols.  Like the woman at work who said I was honouring Dagon by wearing a particular hat, they saw the meat as tainted and eating it gave honour to false gods.  One point Paul made in 1 Corinthians 8 was a Christian could eat meat that had been offered to idols with a clear conscience because he knew idols were nothing in the world.  He could eat that meat as food provided by God for the health and strength of the body with gladness without sin.

We are called as Christians to be loving towards others and see that we do not intentionally offend or cause others to stumble.  Romans 14:4-5 provides good guidance whether we have been offended or have accidentally offended others:  "Who are you to judge another's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. Indeed, he will be made to stand, for God is able to make him stand. ⁵ One person esteems one day above another; another esteems every day alike. Let each be fully convinced in his own mind."  Rather than writing off our brethren as legalistic, easily offended or an unwitting Dagon worshipper, it is good to extend grace to others as we share our concerns or explain our position.  If someone has a sensitive conscience concerning headwear or the names of holidays, once informed it is good for us to walk in love towards them and not give occasion for them to stumble by careless conduct.  As James 3:2 says, "...we all stumble in many things."  Knowing this, we ought to give grace to others and remain humble and teachable because we are not perfect ourselves.  Do we expect others to be what we cannot be?  We might be surprised how legalistic we can be.

Honour the KING!

Sometimes I think about how different life would be if the country I lived was ruled by a king and all people were subject to him.  Needless to say, it would be so different from what I am accustomed to it is impossible to fully grasp the implications.  In Bible times, kingdoms flourished or were run into the ground due to how the king ruled.  Subjects in large part were at the mercy of their king who held their lives in his hand with God-given authority to administer justice upon evildoers and to reward faithful servants.

King Nebuchadnezzar was a man who was not at all squeamish to rule with unchallenged might and power.  Those who served him well could be promoted, but any who offended or opposed him would be destroyed immediately.  The king was used to having his way, and when he gave a command the wise among his people took him seriously.  This was evident after he made an image of gold in the plain of Dura, and he commanded all his officials to gather before him.  He then informed his subjects when they heard the sounds of instruments, they were to bow in worship before the image he set up.  He warned all people, nations and languages represented among his people that if they did not bow, they would be immediately cast into a fiery furnace.

Of all the people who gathered, there were three of the children of Israel who refused to bow.  Chaldeans approached the king and dobbed them in, and Nebuchadnezzar was filled with fury and rage at their insolence.  He summoned them before him and gave them a final opportunity to comply with his command and worship his image.  The king repeated the consequence for disobedience, that they would be thrown into a burning, fiery furnace:  "And who is the god who will deliver you from my hands?"  In Nebuchadnezzar's eyes, he was greater than any god:  his word would stand.  When they refused, Nebuchadnezzar heated the furnace 7 times hotter, and threw them into the furnace.  The flames immediately killed the men who ushered them to the furnace, and the king was without concern.  He was king and did as he pleased.

Suddenly King Nebuchadnezzar rose to his feet in amazement.  He asked, "Didn't we throw 3 men in the fire?", and so they had.  Daniel 3:25 reads, "Look!" he answered, "I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire; and they are not hurt, and the form of the fourth is like the Son of God."  Nebuchadnezzar approached the furnace and called his servants by name, and they walked out of the furnace without injury or even smelling like smoke.  Daniel 3:28 tells us the response of the king:  "Nebuchadnezzar spoke, saying, "Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego, who sent His Angel and delivered His servants who trusted in Him, and they have frustrated the king's word, and yielded their bodies, that they should not serve nor worship any god except their own God!"  Nebuchadnezzar and all his subjects witnessed something remarkable, for the king's word had been frustrated (KJV says "changed") by the God of Israel.  Unlike the image of gold Nebuchadnezzar set up, the God of Israel is the almighty who sets up kings and deposes them, the God who speaks and it comes to pass without fail.

This passage contains a glorious truth for Christians whether we live in a monarchy or a parliamentary democracy:  our good God is able to overrule all kings, governors and governments to accomplish His purposes.  May our lives provide a testimony God is worth obeying and serving, that we will honour the commands of our God and Saviour rather than living to please men.  God commands us--in the New Testament, by the way--to pray for those in government and to submit to those God has put in authority as our service to God (1 Peter 2:13-15).  1 Peter 2:17 reads, "Honour all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honour the king."  Blessed be God who delivers His servants who trust in Him, and let us yield our bodies as living sacrifices to Him that He would be honoured always.

Demonstration of Love

"For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. ⁸ But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Romans 5:7-8

One thing I enjoyed at the San Diego County Fair was to watch demonstrations of various products.  People crowded around a fellow with a headset who demonstrated the sharpness of a knife by slicing a tomato, and then sawed the sole of a boot in half and drew it across raw metal to produce shavings.  People were amazed when he went back to the tomato and sliced it perfectly.  People were drawn in by the demonstration, and seeing the sharpness of the knives before their eyes prompted people to pull out their wallets to buy the wonder blades.

When Jesus was crucified outside the city of Jerusalem, all sorts of people flocked to see the Roman execution.  As they watched the proceedings--cruelly designed for agonising pain and humiliation--people mocked and reviled Jesus.  Matthew 27:39-43 reads, "And those who passed by blasphemed Him, wagging their heads ⁴⁰ and saying, "You who destroy the temple and build it in three days, save Yourself! If You are the Son of God, come down from the cross." ⁴¹ Likewise the chief priests also, mocking with the scribes and elders, said, ⁴² "He saved others; Himself He cannot save. If He is the King of Israel, let Him now come down from the cross, and we will believe Him. ⁴³ He trusted in God; let Him deliver Him now if He will have Him; for He said, 'I am the Son of God.'"  Those who condemned Jesus as a blasphemer blasphemed Him, and they taunted Him to demonstrate His divinity by coming down from the cross.  They threw His words they did not believe back in His face, telling Him to save Himself to prove Himself a Saviour.

The doubters, haters and mockers said they would believe Jesus was the Son of God and King of Israel if He did their bidding and came down from the cross.  They had watched Jesus do countless miracles and did not believe:  why would they believe their own eyes if Jesus bowed to their will?  Their temptations have a satanic ring to them, and Jesus submitted to the will of the Father instead.  Jesus demonstrated He was the Son of God and the King of Israel by staying on the cross, shedding His blood and dying.  What Jesus did in willingly dying was greater than the works He did in His life, for it preceded Him taking up His life again--by raising the temple of His body in a glorified state--three days later.  Jesus proved He is the Saviour by dying on the cross, rising from the dead and ascending to the Father just as He said.

In his letter to Roman Christians, Paul explained the crucifixion of Jesus Christ was actually a demonstration of God's love towards sinners.  The love God demonstrated was not merely kind sentiment or emotional affection but sacrificial love in providing atonement for sinners by His shed blood.  We also see the effectiveness of Jesus' sacrifice demonstrated by His resurrection from the dead.  There was no greater price God could give than sending His only begotten Son Jesus to die for lost sinners.  No one can put a price on the precious blood of Jesus Christ spilled so enemies of God could be redeemed and made children of God.  Have you ever seen a more compelling demonstration of love that Jesus on the cross who died for sinners?  God does not bid us to pull out our wallets to obtain salvation, for He offers it freely by His grace.  By His love, Jesus paid our price in full.