The Rod and Rebuke

"Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul."

Proverbs 29:17

This is one of many proverbs that provide wise instruction for parents in raising their children.  Children need correction, it is true parents at times need correction as well.  Correction is not only being aware of making a mistake or expressing displeasure, but taking action to instruct and guide to do what is right.

Marking and correcting papers at school are two different things.  To mark a paper or exam is to point out the faults and provide the final grade.  Correcting requires an additional step to marking errors but providing the correct answer and even an explanation if necessary.  I believe a lot of the frustration parents experience with misbehaving children is marking without correction or disciplinary action.  Complaining or venting about bad behaviour is not discipline, but a disciplined parent will take loving action to correct according to guidance they have received from God and His word.

Warnings are wise when followed up by prompt, appropriate consequences determined before the offence occurred.  Reproof using words is important, and at times there is need for a rod.  A couple verses earlier Solomon said in Proverbs 29:15, "The rod and rebuke give wisdom, But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother."  The rod and rebuke are two different things.  We might imagine our rebuke can be employed as a rod to avoid taking physical disciplinary action.  Speaking with someone is not the same as taking corrective action, and Paul made this clear in his letter to the church in 1 Corinthians 4:21:  "What do you want? Shall I come to you with a rod, or in love and a spirit of gentleness?"  We know from God's dealings with His people the rod and love are not opposed to one another, and Paul was willing to wield a whip to drive out the abhorrent sin from the church even as Jesus purified the temple.

While it was common among the Romans and even Jews to whip those who transgressed the law, it is not so in many cultures today.  For the protection of children and parents there are laws in place to deter abusive practices.  The principle remains true that the rod and rebuke are two different things:  words to warn and direct, and the rod to discipline and correct.  Correcting children means proactive and consequential action must take place beyond scolding, complaining, whining or venting.  It is doing more than putting the foot down but taking responsible action with authority given by God to parents that is best for the health and well-being of that child even if it is difficult, costly and painful.

I say to parents using Paul's words, "What do you want?"  Do you want to continue feeling exasperated, frustrated and powerless in the light of foolish behaviour in your child, or will you take action to correct him by doing more than complaining?  Having children is a delightful gift of God, and when we are willing to receive correction from God in our parenting we will experience rest by faith and obedience to Him.  Rebuke and the rod go together like a two-part adhesive, and attempts to employ one without the other will not perform as God intends.

"No" Isn't Negotiable

Whenever I venture into an Australian Post Office, I have always been curious of the odd assortment of goods sold there.  There are office related goods like notepads and envelopes, but the volume is mostly comprised of colourful cheap toys, a variety of "As Seen on TV" products, CD music compilations and gifts.  I have wondered often who would go to the Post Office to buy such things, and today I had this question answered.

A mum and two young daughters were queued in front of me, and the little one aged about six or seven asked her mother to buy her a notepad.  The request was immediately declined.  The little girl went on.  "Pleeeease...it has lines on it...I can practice my writing.  Pleeeease."  Within seconds of observing the behaviour of this little girl I knew beyond doubt she was wise to something her mother may not have realised:  "No" did not mean "No" and was negotiable.  "No" could be expertly overturned with persistence, a word that previous experience enforced countless times.  I was not surprised when she chose not to replace the book as asked, and slowly moved to the next spots on the carpet.

At the next stations there were plenty of new toys and reasons to buy them, the notebook now deposited among the Barbie products.  One offering was met with reasons why the purchase was unnecessary ("You already have four of these") and other with disdain:  "I'm not buying that."  As each toy was tossed aside to make way for the next, it was evident this was not a matter of need or expense:  it was a pitched battle of the will.  The little girl really didn't care about the items, but she wanted her way.  When it came time for the trio to approach the counter, all three had something in their hand and everything was purchased without question.  By this stage the older sister had ditched begging and simply handed her mother an item in silence, her actions revealing her unspoken expectation. 

The situation was as predictable as a children's story I had read a million times because "No" was negotiable.  Have you seen a child "read" a book before they can actually read, reciting the story verbatim without being able to read a single word?  The intelligence of children is not only seen with their recall but their ability to read people and use a situation for their advantage.  Jesus said to all His disciples in Matthew 5:37, "Let your 'Yes' be 'Yes' and your 'No' 'No.'"  The things we say we ought to do, and if your "No" is negotiable can your "Yes" be relied upon?  Praise the LORD we can rely upon Him to speak the truth without error, and what He has said we can count on Him to follow through.

Dear parents, you potentially do yourself and children harm when you do not do as you say.  Rewarding disobedience to a clear directive is a sure way to undermine your authority given to you by God as a parent.  Perhaps dropping $10 on a cheap toy seems a small price to pay to quiet a whining child and possibly avoid public embarrassment, but the long term cost will be far greater.  Better to say it once and ensure it is done than to repeat yourself emphatically 10 times and cave when it is time to parent-up.  A parent who holds fast to their integrity in private and public to do as they say will not need to beg, cajole, reason or repeat themselves--because kids can also learn "No" isn't negotiable.

The Spiritual Priority

There are many things parents want for their children because they care about their development and future.  Whilst all people are different and parenting styles are unique, children are raised according to what the parents believe is most important.  For instance, some parents require children to sit at the table during set mealtimes to eat food together.  Parents who are fine to eat dinner separately, with one child on the lounge watching TV and another a device in their bedroom, can be strict about going to bed at a particular hour.  Some parents carefully monitor the diets of their children or their internet browsing, and others make a strong emphasis on education and preparation for life away from the family home.  And in many cases, the cliche rings true that there is more "caught than taught," as kids quickly pick up on structure their parents will adhere to without fail and is not open for debate.

For me growing up, going to school was not optional:  it was something I was required to do and held responsible by my parents to take seriously.  Going to church was also something we did as a family that was non-negotiable, for my parents believed hearing God's word and being in Christian fellowship was as important as eating nutritious food for our growing bodies.  Today I read a passage in the book of Nehemiah that shows the emphasis my parents had on our relationship with God was embraced long before Jesus came to the earth in Nehemiah 8:2-3:  "So Ezra the priest brought the Law before the assembly of men and women and all who could hear with understanding on the first day of the seventh month. ³ Then he read from it in the open square that was in front of the Water Gate from morning until midday, before the men and women and those who could understand; and the ears of all the people were attentive to the Book of the Law."  The reading of the Law of Moses was for men, women and "all who could hear with understanding."  This does not mean to hear the Law one needed to be a university student or lawyer, but included children who knew the difference between "Yes" and "No."  Those who returned to Jerusalem after the captivity and rebuilt the wall of the city knew the importance of everyone hearing God's word, for He would hold them all accountable to do it:  according to their level of understanding, God holds man responsible.  Willful ignorance of God's law is no defense, just like ignorance of the law does not make a guilty man innocent.

This is a good example for parents who love the LORD, to lead by example in drawing near to hear the word of God for the purpose of walking in light of it.  Is not godliness profitable in this life and that which is to come for eternity?  If we will emphasise the importance of eating vegetables and avoiding too many sugary treats, if we will make our children go to bed at a set hour, to engage in education, to say "Please and "Thank You," how much more important is the spiritual guidance and wisdom from God who has given us life?  Since we do care about our children, the health of their bodies, the development of their minds and their future, why not model for them lives lived in submission to God?  Every parent has the God-given responsibility to prioritise what is most important, and for those who have tasted and seen that God is good our call is to direct them to hear Him.

Parents play an influential role in a child deciding to follow Jesus into adulthood.  Let us not imagine that without the reading and hearing of scripture Nehemiah 8:6 would have happened by itself without the knowledge of God from His word:  "And Ezra blessed the LORD, the great God. Then all the people answered, "Amen, Amen!" while lifting up their hands. And they bowed their heads and worshiped the LORD with their faces to the ground."  If our aim is to bless the LORD and have our children do likewise, we ought to do what we can to introduce them to God when they can first understand.  If a child understands how to use an electronic device and be occupied with it, I believe they can be taught to hear and treasure God and His word.  We expect our children to pay attention in class, and they ought to listen to God too.  It is for parents to prioritise the spiritual well-being of their children as well as their physical health and development.  May it be our children will say, "Amen, Amen!" in response to hearing the word of God rather than seeing "Amen" as a rote conclusion to prayer so we can be done waiting and finally eat.

Implements of Iron

The Bible says God chastens those whom He loves (Hebrews 12:6).  At times in the history of Israel God empowered nations as His implement to move His people to repentance.  The Syrians were a people God utilised for this purpose.  What often happened is those who defeated Israel oppressed them, and were lifted up with pride against the God who had given them victory.  When they saw the Israelites were powerless to defend themselves, they were cruel.  Their brutality was observed by God, and He would later punish them for it.

Amos 1:3 reads, "Thus says the LORD: "For three transgressions of Damascus, and for four, I will not turn away its punishment, because they have threshed Gilead with implements of iron."  Threshing is the act of separating the husk from the kernel, removing the worthless chaff to expose the edible grain.  Depending on the kind of grain to be threshed, different tools and methods were used.  The aim of threshing is to remove the husk and retain the edible grain whole.  For some grain types, the hooves of animals was enough to do the job.  Other times a wooden sledge was pulled by animals over the grain.  Syria was condemned by God for the sin of using "implements of iron" to thresh Gilead.  God's intention was to chasten His people - not crush them to powder.  For the Syrian's overreach they would be punished.  Being trampled underfoot may have been enough to remove the husk of pride which covered the hearts of His people, but using implements of iron to pulverise them was criminal.

When I read this passage last night, I considered how before God parents have the responsibility to chasten their children, to discipline them when necessary according to God's Word.  A parent ought to remain humble before God to properly wield authority, for when we are proud ourselves - not demonstrating God's love, compassion, and mercy - we can be guilty as the Syrians were of overstepping their bounds.  We can be too harsh and severe because our patience is done.  We can become furious and allow our emotions to dictate our speech, decisions, and actions.  James 1:19-20 provides a fitting exhortation:  "So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; ²⁰ for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God."  Instead of being personally wounded by rebellion or disobedience, it is good for us to recognise all sin is primarily against God.  Realising this means we don't need to "get back" at someone because of offence, and with a clear conscience and biblical insight we can choose the right threshing implement and properly wield it for the good of others.  Biblical discipline always works to the end of restoration and the healthy renewal of relationship.

Have you used an implement of iron for "threshing" when a wooden rod would have been more appropriate?  For our overreach in discipline we will answer before God whose discipline is always perfectly weighted in severity to accomplish His purposes, justice and righteousness balanced with love and grace.

Nimby!

I learned a new word today:  nimby.  It means, "Not in my backyard!"  It reminded me of something I've been thinking of lately.  The messages at Calvary Chapel Sydney lately have compelled me to do some personal examination and inventory.  As a parent or leader, we are to be circumspect in our conduct and that of our children.  There is always the potential that we will be personally offended when kids we are supervising (especially our own!) fall into destructive or sinful behaviour.  We can forget that we too are imperfect, and sin ultimately is not against us but God.

It has been revealed to me by God that I tend towards a "nimby" or "Not on my watch!" mentality.  When we make the struggles of others focused on primarily how they affect us, we have ceased to walk in love.  If I grit my teeth in frustration because of the inconvenience of an internet filter installed for the safety of my children, I am walking in selfishness - not love.  It occurred to me that as a parent, it is better to be watchful and discern sinful behaviour than to bury my head in the sand and pretend all is well.  Sometimes as parents we discover our kids are struggling in an area, it feels like an indictment against us.  We are tempted to believe the lie that this means we must be doing a terrible job as a parent.  Actually, quite the opposite may be true!  It is a good watchman who notices the danger and does something about it.  His discovery of a threat proves he is doing his job, and his loyalty to his master and his position moves him to action.

When we aren't aware of the struggles of our kids, we may think we are doing a spectacular job.  But our ignorance of a struggle does not mean there is not fight a going on.  God is the best Father, yet that doesn't mean His kids are perfect!  The fella who said "Ignorance is bliss" clearly never considered the certain end of that path.  God said in Hosea 4:6 that His people were destroyed for lack of knowledge.  Ignorance of the law does not make a man innocent, and ignorance concerning the struggles of others does not spare them the consequences.  It would be better for our children to go "off the rails" whilst in a nurturing, loving environment where they are accountable before man and God than to do so after they have left home and resort to their own devices.  If open communication is established while kids are young without there being hell to pay, kids will confide more with their parents about the real issues they face.  The consequences of freely confessing sin should not bear the same punishment for sin parents discover themselves.  If you think all is well because your kids haven't approached you with a conflict, don't be deceived to think they are immune from sin.  It won't be your great parenting that saves them, but the grace of God.

I must move beyond the nimby mentality which suggests as long as I don't know about it, everything is fine.  As long as I remain my children's prime deterrent to sin, what will keep my children following God into adulthood and after they have moved away from my home?  We must teach our children to honour God proactively, not instruct them through our negative reactions to cleverly mask their pains and hide their sins.  A life of holiness goes far beyond the outward conduct, but is a matter of the heart.  If we make the Christian lifestyle of one preoccupied with externals, the inner man has not been affected.  Therefore we must labour to deal with the source of sin by gently shepherding our children's hearts as we are led by the Holy Spirit.  It is for us to maintain our walk with God, so we will be able to demonstrate for our children the relationship God intends man to have with Him.

We may have all the wisdom in the world but unless we walk in love, we are nothing.  It is the love of God that pursued and captured our hearts, and God's love through us will have the greatest and most profound impact on our kids as we encourage them to receive of His love and walk therein.

Speak the Truth!

WARNING!  This post may contain spoilers concerning a jolly man with a beard clothed in red often associated with Christmas.

As far back as I can remember, Santa Claus has always been a fictitious character along with the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny.  For the large majority of my childhood I was raised by Christian parents who valued honesty even when it came to traditions.  I remember even to this day a negative experience I had in kindergarten.  As Christmas drew near, I was discussing with a girl my age about whether Santa Claus was real or not.  The discussion escalated into an argument.  The little girl marched me right into the kitchen where both our mothers were conversing.  "Mommy, is Santa real?"  The eyes of the woman narrowed on me with a fierce look that unnerved me with its intensity.  Her words were even harder to understand.  "Of course, sweetie.  Santa is real."  I wonder if my jaw dropped in amazement as I looked to my mum for support.  Here is a grownup lying through her teeth!  How can this be?  Why would she lie?

My mum pulled me aside and explained something to this effect: "Honey, Santa Claus is like a game some parents play with their children.  It was fun for them as kids to believe in Santa and they want their kids to have fun too.  We know that Santa isn't real, but if you meet kids who believe in Santa don't argue with them.  It's a decision for their parents to make."  I can say with all honesty I didn't miss out on any fun in my childhood because my parents told me Santa wasn't real.  I was familiar with stories of St. Nick who was generous to give gifts perpetuated in various cultures in different ways.  Growing up, I saw Santa not so much as giving but a great thief, robbing Jesus of the attention He rightly deserves.  If Santa robs Christ of glory, he might as well be Satan.  The only thing I "missed out" on was having my parents lie to me, taking advantage of my childlike innocence and betraying my trust.  A parent who lies to their kids about Santa Claus might also be lying about God, Satan, angels, heaven or hell.  Had my parents lied to me, I would have taken it very hard when the truth finally came out.  Disillusionment would be a natural response.

"Well, it's not really a lie.  It's just a fun tradition we have."  Tradition or not, Christians are called to align their lives with scriptures.  There's nothing wrong with having traditions like setting up a tree, decorating the house, sharing special meals, or even singing songs or watching movies with Santa in them.  Some people do not regard Christmas day as a holiday at all because of the ancient pagan roots of the day since Christianised.  In general, today Christmas is hardly a religious holiday when it comes to the population of the world.  Romans 14:6 explains the freedom we have to express our worship of God:  "He who observes the day, observes it to the Lord; and he who does not observe the day, to the Lord he does not observe it. He who eats, eats to the Lord, for he gives God thanks; and he who does not eat, to the Lord he does not eat, and gives God thanks."  It's not a sin to put out cookies for Santa and carrots for his reindeer.  But I say to you it is a sin to lie to your children, tradition or not.  Give presents "From Santa" with a wink and a grin if you want, but the risk of betraying the trust of a child should not be taken lightly.

Proverbs 12:22 reads, "Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, but those who deal truthfully are His delight."  No one enjoys being lied to, even if it means an extra present.  "Believing" a lie becomes a bribe that nets more presents.  I am convinced that any perceived benefit of deceiving children pales in comparison to the damage which comes from the Santa ruse.  If you doubt me, google "Is Santa real?"  There are even articles to help parents soften the blow when their kids ask.  What I read breaks my heart.  Please take seriously the things you teach your children.  If you want them to believe you, speak the truth in love!

Several typical examples of responses from the above article:

I believe in the spirits of Santa. He once lived and is still living in all of us. He died like 2000 years ago but he is always going to be real.

—Guest Mikayla

 

I'm eleven and I stopped believing when I was eight because I found my parents putting presents under the tree that said "from santa". And also the rapping paper on the presents from santa, I found the roll in the closet. On that night my heart was broken though that they had been lying to me about it for eight years, they still try to tell me he's real and I'm eleven. I'm still mad at them.

—Guest Fiona

 

I'm 12 and I still believe. I may have some problem, because most of my friends seem more mature, but I'm the type that would hang out with lil kids, so that kinda has an effect on me. Am I weird since I believe. Really sometimes I think that God is really Santa and magically makes presents appear under our tree. Because Dec. 25 is his son's birthday. Or maybe Santa is his helper...... Well I'm 12 and I believe.

—Guest Heather

 

My parents never told me he wasn't real but it's so obvious!!! I stopped believing at ten, and hated my parents secretly for awhile for lying.:(

—Guest Guest Amy

 

I never believed in Santa. My parents didn't ever pretend he was real. Christmastime was still delightful and magical. I never intended to tell my children that Santa was real, but I have an 8 year old step-daughter who lives with me and is starting to ask questions. Her dad has asked me not to 'ruin' it, so I'm stuck. I don't want to lie to her. I also don't want to traumatize her. I told her to talk to her Dad about it. I don't understand why people insist on telling kids Santa is real. Make-believe is wonderful, and the spirit of generosity is even better. Why do people feel that the magic of Christmas stems from a belief in some jolly old man, instead of the love and good cheer in our own hearts. I, for one, will be relieved when her dad finally tells her. I hope it doesn't break her heart though.

—Guest KT

Hint or Question?

From a young age, I remember my dad putting into practice the truth of scripture:  "Ask and ye shall receive."  While some parents are content to ask leading questions of their children, it was clear that if I wanted something I would need to ask for it.  More and more these days I notice people don't actually ask for things:  they will hint or resort to manipulative tactics to achieve their ends.  For instance, let's say you see a child struggling to open the lid of a container.  He grunts and groans, making his frustration known.  His mum notices the struggles of her son and says, "Do you want me to open that for you?"  The child nods and brings it to his mum to open.  This is an unscriptural way to deal with this issue.  If a child wants help, he must be required humble himself to ask for it.  God requires no less of His children.  Before long this can become a deeply entrenched habit the boy or parent won't even recognise which can affect not only his relationship with men, but his approach to God.

Here is another perfect illustration of this hinting in the movie "Napoleon Dynamite."  Kip gets his wish, though he never asks a question.  He simply makes a statement.  But like most of us, Napoleon took the hint and responds to a statement as if he was asked. 

James writes of common problems of people in James 4:2-3:  "You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask. ³ You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures."  We have not because we ask not, and when we do ask it is often with selfish motivation.  Like that child struggling with the lid, we might suppose we have actually asked God to help us when all we have done is grunt and groan in frustration.  We vent our anger to God, we lay out our frustrations, but we never actually ask Him to do anything.  And when we do ask Him to intervene, we do so not led by the Holy Spirit, but according to our selfish dictates.  Even worse, we choose to complain or consult with people rather than taking our issues to God at all.  It's not until we are on a severe downward spiral before we even think to speak to God in prayer.

Jesus teaches us in Matthew 7:7, "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you."  God does not exist to supply our lack, but it is His good pleasure to give us the kingdom!  He is a gracious provider, a generous giver, and hears the prayers of the humble.  We are evil and know how to give good gifts:  how much more is the Father able and willing to give to Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?  It a is wonderful consolation that God does many things for our benefit without us asking.  His will is not restricted by our poor pseudo-questions.  But when we desire something, we ought to ask.  Instead of resorting to manipulation or hinting, let us humble ourselves before both God and man to ask direct questions.  In answering a question, let our words be obedient to what Jesus commands in Matthew 5:37:  "But let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No.' For whatever is more than these is from the evil one."  May our requests of God be actual questions!  Only after we ask will the answer come.

Choose Godly Influences

I was reminded yesterday how important it is for parents to be ever vigilant concerning what their kids are exposed to.  It is very easy for us to lower our guard.  We might think because of homeschooling, sending kids to a Christian school, or going to church is enough.  Nope!  If you own a TV, a computer connected to the internet, if your kids have mobile phones or Ipods, if your car has windows which allows a child to see out as you drive, if your kids have family, friends, or acquaintances, if you take them to the shops to buy food or clothes, if they read books, magazines, or listen to music, the potential for ungodly influences on your child is a real threat.  The world works tirelessly to indoctrinate our children to accept evil as good.

We send our children to a Christian private school.  One of my sons was selected out of his class and he received an invitation to participate in an extra-curricular course geared to inspire bright kids to be authors, actors, and artists by a professional tutor.  Our son was keen to go, so we decided it would be a great reward for the hard work he has been putting in.  After paying the fees, we received a syllabus for the weekend classes.  It was immediately apparent that this class was unsuitable for our son because of the pagan and New Age practices they would be exposed to.  Now I'm not an "artsy" person.  Maybe I don't understand everything that goes into being an actor or artist.  But I don't even need to read between the lines to recognise what this class would be promoting is contrary to God's Word.

The introduction explained how the class would "tune their creative instruments" and by "...using exercises and games from all over the world we will energize and focus in on our journey over the weekend."  They would learn a vocal "warm up" to use their voices for their advantage, plus a "physical warm up that will awaken the senses and limbs to the creative flow that we will be developing..."  Then it went even further:  the children would be taught about the Ogham alphabet for the purpose of discovering their "own personal ogham poem."  "We will then explore our oghams, finding which sounds, words, physical actions, images and ideas resonate most within us."  I thought this class was about being an author, actor, and an artist - not an introduction for my son to practice divination through pagan customs and New Age techniques.  Needless to say, after my wife rang the class there is now an opening in a fully-booked course of classes.  So sought after are these courses that we could not transfer our son to an alternate class.  (Our fee was kindly refunded, if you're wondering!)  The school had no idea this class involved these activities, and I wonder if the same could be said of other parents.

Because he will be disappointed, I feel sorry for my son.  On the other hand, I am not sorry at all.  As good as the course sounded at first, it became clear that it stood in complete contrast to the biblical values we desire to uphold in our family.  Had my wife not carefully read the paperwork, we would have sent our son without a thought.  It just showed me again how important it is to know what is being taught at school, what your kids are reading, what music they listen to, what games they play, and who they spend time with.  I am not suggesting that a bubble be created around your children, but embrace teaching moments when you can explain why a class or a movie is not beneficial according to God's righteous standard.  Take time to dialogue with your children, not just "lay down the law."  Once my sons leave my care, I want their lives to be grounded on biblical truth and the teachings of Jesus Christ.  That will only happen if we are responsible to lay a good foundation by bringing our lives into subjection to God's Word.

We can choose to go the world's way, or God's way.  Maybe my son will someday be an incredible actor or artist.  That would be great!  I believe he can be an amazing actor or artist and still honour God with his life.  As Christians, Christ comes first.  Being a Christian may eliminate some acting opportunities, but what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his own soul?  Some people are willing to do anything for fame and earthly glory.  My job as a parent is to affirm God's truth, protect my kids from evil influences, and train my children to embrace God's way.  Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."

Deadbeat No More (by God's grace)!

Back in the '90's, the unfortunate term "deadbeat dads" came into vogue to define dads who didn't rise to the subjective expectation of what a dad should be.  Dads who refused to pay child support, denied they even had a child, or shirked their responsibility to raise their children in the eyes of their ex-wives, girlfriends, or the courts, were labeled as such.  Now I read the politically-correct revised term is "deadbeat parent."  Whether it is dad or mum who chooses to neglect the God-given privilege and responsibility to raise their children, the kids are the biggest losers.

I have lately been thinking about my responsibility to disciple my own children, striving to raise them in the nurture and admonition of the LORD.  Kids need more than food, water, love, and affirmation from their parents; they need much more than quality time, holidays, recreation, schooling, sport, social interaction, and a bed to sleep in.  Jesus said that man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.  Because this is true for all people, it is true for kids as well.  Job proclaims the indispensable nature and necessity of God's Word in Job 23:12:  "I have not departed from the commandment of His lips; I have treasured the words of His mouth more than my necessary food."  In the ongoing battle in courthouses throughout the United States, the 10 Commandments are being removed off the walls while "deadbeat parents" are cited and fined for not providing money for their children's welfare.  That is ironic, seeing that the Word of God is more important and necessary to both body and soul than food or water! 

Amos 8:11 is a scripture we see fulfilled in our day.  "Behold, the days are coming," says the Lord GOD, "that I will send a famine on the land, not a famine of bread, nor a thirst for water, but of hearing the words of the LORD."  The brutal irony is not that God's Word is neglected by unbelievers, but by professing believers.  It is not only certain churches where this famine is rife:  it is a blight in the homes of solid Christian families.  I speak candidly when I say I was once a "deadbeat dad" spiritually.  There have been days in our home when we did not open the Word of God and read it together with discussion and explanation.  Years ago, even as a pastor, I committed the training and discipleship of my young children to Sunday School teachers.  I had shirked God's command to make disciples in my own house, a grave sin.

I am thankful that God opened my eyes to see what I loser I was, spending most of my time discipling other people's children and not making it a priority to train my own.  Our family has made many changes in our home over the years, but the best has been a commitment to read the Bible together every day.  There is always room for improvement.  Don't get me wrong:  you do well if you feed your children, provide for their physical needs, and spend time with them.  1 Timothy 5:8 reads, "But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."  But the real question is this:  Dads, what are you providing for the spiritual nourishment and admonition of your wife and children?  Mums, how are you using God's Word to train your children in the way they should go according to God's will?  Grandparents are not off the hook either!  Titus 2 contains a great list of exhortations to believers of all ages summed up with, "Speak these things, exhort, and rebuke with all authority. Let no one despise you." (Titus 2:15)

As long as a man remains on earth by God's grace, it's never too late for God to transform a willing person through the power of the Holy Spirit.  Because God changes the hearts and minds of people, it is never too late to change the way we do things.  Shedding the spiritual deadbeat moniker starts with agreement with God, confession of our neglect as sin, and taking steps - even radical ones - to disciple our own children to following Jesus Christ. Men, take charge of the family God has committed to you.  God has called parents to teach and train their children.  He has given us the power through the Spirit, and the discernment and wisdom of God to address the deepest needs of our children:  to know God, to love Him, and to love one another as Jesus has loved us.

Train up YOUR Children

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."

 Proverbs 22:6

Those God has blessed with children have the important responsibility to train our children to serve, honour, and worship God.  We cannot relegate the meaning of training to only include what pertains to this temporal life, like household chores, manners, social behaviour, or instilling a good work ethic.  Deuteronomy 6:6-8 explains that teaching children of God through His Word and modeling worship of God is the primary role of parents, contrary to what many believe today:  "And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. ⁷ You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. ⁸ You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes."  God delivered His Word so we might know Him in truth.  If would not matter if my children later in life embraced successful careers as doctors, soldiers, salesmen, lawyers, scientists, or travel agents:  if I have neglected the training and nurture of my children in Jesus Christ, then I have failed in the primary purpose of my calling as a parent.

A grave error among many parents in the church today is the reliance upon pastors, youth pastors, and Sunday School teachers to provide the bulk of their children's training.  I talked with someone recently who lamented the lack of a strong youth group at their current church.  "I had my son meet with a youth pastor to talk about some things.  I mean, he's not going to listen to me."  This is sadly not the first time I have run into this persuasion.  Don't get me wrong - pastors and teachers can have a huge impact on a child's life.  But God designed the family to be the place where kids receive godly instruction and a biblical worldview.  The life of a disciple of Christ must be established, modeled, and taught at home.  If it is not done there, one hour with a church "professional" will likely only soothe the conscience of parents who feel inadequate to train their kids.

Churches have been traditionally good at teaching facts and information.  From a young age, children grow in knowledge.  What does the scripture say?  The second part of 1 Corinthians 8:1 says, "...Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies."  Because of this, many of the kids who are brought up in churches tend towards being legalistic Pharisees without a relationship with Jesus Christ.  They become dull to the Gospel through much hearing.  The church is intended to reinforce what is already being taught at home.  If the love, grace, and doctrines of scripture are not being modeled at home, Christianity becomes compartmentalised in a building where people attend services once or twice a week.  This is a prime reason young people "fall away" when they enroll in university or enter the work force.  It's likely they didn't actually "fall away" but were never close to God - they simply stopped going through the motions of coming to a building.  Because the foundation of a relationship with God was not modeled in real life by people closest to them, kids are convinced Christianity must be a show:  it is a pastime for adults who go to church and drag along their kids because they think church is good for them, like eating spinach.  When the kids grow up and buy their own groceries, they don't buy spinach unless they realize the health benefits and have grown to enjoy the taste.  And when they wake up on a Sunday morning, they roll over and choose to sleep in.

I have been convicted lately that when I was a youth pastor, I spent much more time preparing for study, training, and teaching other people's children than my own.  God has gifted me to teach, and therefore it was good for me to pursue and cultivate this gift.  But as much time as I spent praying for, studying with, and teaching other kids, I should have set aside at least that much time for my own.  After all, I am primarily responsible before God for teaching my wife and two sons.  My family should have been my priority to train in the admonition of the LORD.  Many pastors fall prey to overwork and the neglect of family, and that is why some "PK's" (preacher's kids) have the reputation of being wayward.  Their dad can be so busy teaching and counseling others that he has neglected to train his children as he ought.  Praise God that it is not too late!  I have resolved to make the training of my family in the pursuit and worship of God a greater priority than ever before.

How about you?  As a parent, have you embraced the responsibility of training your children in their spiritual walk with Jesus Christ?  Even if your children are grown, it's not too late to model a life set apart for the glory of God.  Ephesians 5:14-17 reads, "Therefore He says: "Awake, you who sleep, Arise from the dead, And Christ will give you light." ¹⁵ See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, ¹⁶ redeeming the time, because the days are evil. ¹⁷ Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is."  It is God's will that children be trained in the admonition of the LORD by their parents.  The LORD will be your strength!

Train Up a Child

I think it was pastor Bill Wilson whom I first heard say, "The teacher has not taught until the student has learned."  This concept can be applied to the training of children by parents as well.  Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."  This is an inspired statement of truth.  Parents can feel content with the fact their child attends church, memorizes scripture and doctrine, has been baptised, or makes a profession of faith.  But this does not mean the child is being trained.  If we would have our children follow the steps of Christ even as we follow Him, parents have a responsibility to train their children.

Speaking as a parent, our mistake is often made because we misunderstand what it means to "train."  Many parents (me included!) tend to "tell" our children rather than to "train" them.  When a soldier embarks to "basic training," he is not merely addressed verbally by his superiors in a classroom setting.  Basic training is training for the body, mind, and will for a specific purpose:  each soldier is trained for his role in combat.  He suffers deprivation of sleep, food, is worked to utter exhaustion in extreme environments to enable him to endure the battlefield and be a viable member of his support team.  Can you imagine what kind of soldier has never actually run in his boots, cleaned or fired his gun, or faced moments of difficult decisions in the face of enemy fire?  No one is born a soldier:  they are made through training.  The tragic day of moral and spiritual decay in which we live is a testimony that many parents "tell" their children rather than training them.  You cannot train your children without a goal in sight.  If a man is trained as a soldier so he may effectively fight for his country and comrades, for what purpose are you training your children?  To be moral citizens?  To succeed in a high-paying career?  To be tough?  To follow their hearts?  As Christians, we are to train our children to become men and women of God as they grow in a relationship with Jesus Christ.  All morality, a vigorous work ethic, all godly qualities of character, and goodness spring only from this single Living Source.

Notice that the text does not say, "Train up your children..." but keeps child in the singular tense.  This is of great importance.  Every child must be trained differently because they have unique temperaments, inclinations, and personalities.  What may be effective training for one child may not be adequate for another.  Therefore, one difficult job of parents is to intimately know their children and continually initiate communication with them.  We must intimately know their character, current stage of life, goals, loves, concerns, fears, and cares.  The training of children requires their parents to love and take a personal interest in each one.  When we create a false reality where no true freedom nor responsibility exists, we do our children a disservice.  We must encourage their obedience and good choices, while administering appropriate discipline, enforcing consequences, and boundaries.  Instead of sowing discord through ambiguity or outright hypocrisy, we are to be clear and consistent.  This means that we must apologize when we are out of order, even as we tell them to apologize when they do wrong.  That is when the telling becomes training.

It is good for me to continually remind myself that my children measure my words against my life with the precision of a surgeon and the tenacity of a wolverine.  Even a small child has strong views of what is fair and unjust.  My children will not tell me when they see me playing the hypocrite, but their behaviour will often reflect what I do.  For instance, let's say I tell my boys they need to wash their hands with soap before they sit down to eat dinner.  They will watch me to see if I do the same.  If I sit down to the table without washing on a regular basis, they will wonder why they must do something I do not.  In their minds, it is an unjust to demand that they wash their hands when the lawgiver of the house will not submit to his own rule.  Even something as simple as hand washing slowly can erode the ability of a parent to train their children through hypocrisy.  If I place limits upon their screen time or deem what is appropriate or inappropriate based upon content or ratings, I ought to apply limits to myself as well.  A parent may maintain outer compliance through threats and intimidation, but rebellion in the heart of the child will grow.

What is the way our children should go?  Jesus says in John 14:6:  "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me."  Jesus did not simply tell His disciples what they should do, but He was a living model for them to see.  He did not say "You must be the servant of all" and wait to be served by others:  Jesus washed the feet of the disciples as a pattern for them to follow.  Jesus did not admonish His disciples to love one another and act selfishly:  He humbled Himself to become flesh and died sacrificially on the cross for the sins of the world.  His Words carried great meaning:  "Love one another as I have loved you."  How did Jesus love us?  While we were still sinners, Jesus died for us.  Training is not just the exercise of a mind to consider, but a change in the heart to will and do.  It is the indwelling Holy Spirit in the lives of believers who empowers us to live as we ought as it is written in Philippians 2:13, "...for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure."

Every parent wants their children to excel in every facet of life on earth as God should tarry.  But unless we are training our children according to God's Word and Way, we hinder them from the success they should enjoy if we were faithful to our calling.  God has a way of making up for all our deficiencies, but that does not mean we are free from the responsibility to obey Him and pray earnestly for our kids.  Praise God that He has given us the perfect example of being a good Father.  We can look to Him and He will direct us in the way we should go!

Use Time Wisely

I read an interesting article about the lack of team chemistry in sports these days due to modern technology.  This claim has been substantiated by many coaches at the professional level.  It used to be that when the team rode the bus, traveled on planes, or sat around in the dressing rooms, they would be talking with one another.  Camaraderie grew between the players as they ate food, told stories, cracked jokes, made fun of each other, or shared in ridiculous antics.  A good team became better because players were not just teammates but friends.  There was a large overlap between personal life and the playing field.

Where there used to be conversations, now there is silence between people.  Everyone has their headphones on or their ear buds in.  A little world is created where the programming, playlist, and activities are all controlled by the user.  It is all about me.  People play mindless games on their mobiles to fill the time, or surf the net on their tablets.  Silence means distance, even when you share a seat.  Quoting Adrian Dater, the writer for SI.com:  "The rise of smartphones, with all their instant-communication and entertainment options, have created insular worlds into which distracted players too often retreat instead of bonding with teammates."  The ironic thing is that people are still bored stiff!

It isn't only team sports which have suffered from this unbridled advance of technology:  families all over the world face this all too common disaster.  Mobile phones used to be used only in case of emergency.  But now they operate as a phone, video camera, personal computer, mp3 player, movie theater, television, and gaming system in one.  Parents and kids are easily sucked into an alternate reality that literally drains half of your productive waking hours away.  Instead of playing board games, everyone sits on the lounge playing their own game, sending text messages, or chatting with friends who are sitting on a lounge somewhere else.  Without restraints, life flows in the direction of least resistance.  Technology can be very helpful, but without strict limits and guidelines it is dangerous and destructive.

As a pastor my concern is not only with individuals and families, but the state of people's relationship with God.  If sports teams are feeling the pinch, if families are becoming virtual strangers in their own homes, how much is addiction to technology robbing God of the close relationships He desires and deserves!  Here is a strange thing to consider:  instead of a son confiding in his parents, he shares his struggles with a grown man on another continent he has never seen; instead of a daughter spending time with God in prayer, she plays games for hours; instead of spending time with her husband, a wife night after night chats late with people she doesn't even care about or will ever meet.  And why don't we spend time studying the scripture, praying, and having close family time?  Because we don't have the time.  Yeah right.  We all have the same amount of time:  we must choose to use our time productively doing things which really matter by investing in family and eternity.

I offer this challenge:  place limits on how, when, and how often you and your children spend time utilizing technology for personal gratification.  You may find it hard to abide by your own rules!  If this is the case, consider that you might have a problem that will not go away on its own.  Give up things that draw you away from God.  Seek the LORD and allow Him to order your day and the use of your time.  As parents, let me remind you that you are completely responsible for the actions of your children.  Take the reins and hold them firmly.  If you child or teen responds with tears and tantrums, you are doing the right thing!  Stand fast and stay strong!  As John Wesley says, "Never, on any account, give a child anything that it cries for."  Take control of your personal lives and your families, for the devil would like nothing more than for us to twiddle our thumbs all the way to our graves.

The Promise for your Children

When I returned to my seat at a recent conference, pamphlets titled "A Revival Promise" written by C.H. Spurgeon were placed upon each chair.  According to the back of the publication, this is a sermon taken from Volume 20 of The Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit.  There was a paragraph I though particularly relevant for all those who have children.

"I will pour my Spirit upon thy seed, and my blessing upon thine offspring."  Parents, lay hold greedily upon these points of the promise.  I am afraid we do not think enough of the promise which the lord has made to our children.  Grace does not run in the blood; we have never fallen into the gross error of birthright membership, or the supposition that the child of godly parents has a right to Christian ordinances.  We know that religion is a personal matter, and is not of blood nor of birth; we know also that all children are heirs of wrath until the grace of God regenerates them; but still there is some meaning in that gracious saying, "The promise is unto you and your children, even to as many as the Lord your God shall call."  Paul was assuredly not wrong, but sweetly right, when he said to the jailer, in answer to his question,  "What must I do to be saved?" Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved, and thy house."  Lay hold of those words, Christian parents, and do not be content to get half the promise.  Pray to God to fulfill it all.  God to Him this very day, you mothers and fathers, and implore Him to have pity upon your offspring.  Cry to Him, and say, "Thou hast said, 'I will pour my Spirit on thy seed, and my blessing on thine offspring:' do it, Lord, for Jesus Christ's sake."

Bursting the "Christian" Bubble

No matter what our standards are, life will force upon us a barrage of choices.  We will be forced to decide if we will have that fifth cookie, what movie we will watch, whether we should pay extra on the mortgage this month, or if diet Dr. Pepper actually tastes like regular Dr. Pepper.  As parents we not only have to make decisions about our lifestyle, but we must set boundaries for our kids.  Some parents make well-defined boundaries, and others let their children live as they please.  Boundaries to some are no different than a bubble!  Due to hurts they may have experienced as children, many parents work hard to protect their children from every potential worldly influence.  Boundaries are important.  But it is possible to make boundaries so restrictive for the child to be stripped of the decision making process when it comes to morality.  When "obey" or "disobey" are the only decisions to be made, when real choices present themselves many teens and young adults are actually tested for the first time and are usually away from the instruction of a parent.  The results are often disastrous.

All healthy human bodies have an immune system.  This immune system is able to isolate and destroy potential threats to the health of the body.  From 1971 to 1984, a boy named David Vetter lived in Texas who was basically born without a functional immune system.  Any exposure to germs would be fatal.  So he basically lived inside of a bubble and wore special suits designed by NASA.  I was intrigued by this quote from an article:  "Even though David was only five, he recognized his difference and dreaded what the future held - limited choices, feelings of alienation and an increased need to be polite and compliant so as not to reveal his anger."  This struck me as similar to the feelings of many kids whose parents construct a "Christian" bubble around them.  Because all choice is taken away and compliance is demanded, their anger grows.  By the time David was a teen, the doctors had great concern.  "Doctors feared that as a teenager he would become even more unpredictable and uncontrollable."  They decided to operate, and in a few months David became ill with cancer and passed away.  Life had become unbearable in the bubble, and outside the bubble he could not survive.  I have such respect for this tough little guy who faced unimaginable struggles.  The emotional fight must have been as strong as his battle for physical health.

David's case is extreme, and another example is equally compelling.  When the Europeans arrived in the Americas, the Native Americans were absolutely devastated by the common cold.  Without having been exposed to the flu before, the antibodies in the native people were not able to combat the virus initially.  Because medicine was far from what we have available to us today, countless people died as a result.  I have seen the exact thing happen in "churched" kids.  All their lives they have been confined under strict rules and guidelines given for their own "protection."  Like the Native Americans who became deathly ill from the influence of foreign germs, churched kids are easily overcome by worldly influences and temptations.  "Churched" is not the same as "Christian!"  Their anger and resentment builds towards God and church life in general.  When they finally are free from parental authority, many run as far away as possible from a semblance of Christianity and are hardened in their rebellion.  Why?  They see being a Christian as having rules.  They rebel against the bubble and relish to make their own choices even if it kills them.

I read a parenting book which emphasized, "Let reality be the teacher."  As Christians we often fall into the trap of thinking our job is to insulate our kids from reality and even consequences.  I would rather my child be cured of his rebellion under my care than a vain attempt when he is 22 in college and far away or far gone!  It is wise to protect our kids from obvious dangers, like sexual predators, pornography, drugs, alcohol, and friends who are bad influences.  But whenever possible, we should allow our kids to make their own decisions followed up with an opportunity for instruction.  For example, my oldest son Zed wanted to play a video game at his friend's house that was a "Mature" rated game for violence.  I could go with the bubble method and immediately say, "No rated M games.  Period.  End of story."  That would only allow the potential resentment and bitterness to grow inside of him.  So I did something a little different, even for me.  I said, "Zed, you make the decision.  If there's a lot of blood or cursing or stuff you know is wrong, don't play the game.  Let the LORD show you what to do."  This gave Zed an opportunity to make his own decision concerning one of those "gray" areas that will challenge us all our lives.

So after Zed came home, we talked about what had happened.  "Dad," Zed began.  "I'm thinking I made a bad decision."  "What do you mean, son?"  "Well, I played the game...but after I played it I realized I probably shouldn't have."  And then we were able to have a wonderful conversation about the choice Zed made and how he could make better decisions in the future.  It built trust between us rather than resentment.  We were able to talk about what was actually wrong with the game for Zed and encouraged him to seek forgiveness if he was in sin.  He will actually trust our decisions as parents more because we let him make a choice.  In this case it was a controlled environment.  I would never have done this with something blatantly sinful or harmful.  Take every opportunity to reason with your children according to the scriptures.  Instead of throwing out their music CDs because "That's the Devil's music!" it would be better to look carefully over the lyrics.  Allow them to see how the message lines up with the message of scripture.  Then they will make an educated decision.  Either way, you're effectively teaching them the process.

Jesus never told parents to isolate their children from the world.  Instead we are to be light in a dark world, the salt of the earth coming into direct contact with the world's wisdom to turn people to Christ.  We are to teach our children and raise them in the admonition of the LORD, not insulate them from making real decisions.  Our children are like ships on a billowing ocean.  The world will woo them with tempting breezes, subversive currents, and the sway of satanic temptations.  Our job as parents is to guide and direct them, teaching them of Christ and demonstrating a life set apart for God.  Someday your children will take the helm full-time.  Wouldn't it be wise to hand them the wheel while they are still young?  No person would ever think to send their children out in a sailboat without training or guidance. That soul would not doubt face the real threat of shipwreck!  We would never even allow an adult to fly a plane without expert supervision!  Instead of spending all our energy trying to protect our children by environment control, let's seek God's control of their hearts from within.  Let us cultivate in them not a reliance upon their parents for guidance, but a complete trust upon God for His leading according to the truth of the scriptures.

Sunday School Danger!

There are a lot of positive things to say about Sunday School for kids.  For parents, however, there is a hidden danger.  Decades ago it was not uncommon for kids to attend the same service as their parents.  This gave parents an opportunity to explain thoroughly what had been preached and apply it personally to the lives of their children.  Frankly I do not know the exact history of what has brought us to the current system of kids having their own separate classes with activities, crafts, and snack apart from convenience.  As much as children have benefited from having a class geared to their level of understanding, teachers have also grown through the preparation and prayer for children and services.  This is good.  But I believe parents should live as if their kids never went to church at all.  Allow me to explain.

Sunday School attendance has the power to subversively deceive parents into thinking their children are being taught the Word of God and thus have all the spiritual training they need.  This causes parents to shirk their God-given duty of taking a proactive role in their children's spiritual growth and understanding.  It insulates the parents from concern or care of their child's relationship with God.  The fact their kids go to church and hand them a coloring page or craft every week makes them content.  Have we become ignorant to the fact a huge majority of "churched" kids fall away from God entirely after they leave home?  They become hardened from much hearing.  There is nothing more dangerous to a child than church attendance without a real walk with God.  This "churchianity" breeds spiritual pride, boredom, disillusionment, hardness of heart, and hatred of church gatherings.

I suspect the vast majority of children who go to their classes are never engaged in their heads or hearts with observing, interpreting, and applying scripture.  If they were their lives would bear the long-term results of fruitfulness.  The fact is kids learn very quickly how to behave in a Sunday School environment.  Be quiet at the right time, answer "Jesus" when a question is presented, and colour inside the lines.  To have the teacher pull his parent aside would mean discipline, so the child learns to behave according to proper church decorum.  Therefore the kids who are the most quiet are considered attentive and Christian, while the kids who struggle in the class environment are seen as the ones who must be reached - or at least conditioned to be quiet and attentive like the rest.  All parents want their children to go to heaven.  But the stark reality may be few do little for their children's spiritual benefit aside from a weekly taxi service to and from a church building.  

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 reads:  "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one! ⁵ You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. ⁶ "And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. ⁷ You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. ^{8 9} You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes."  God commands us as parents to teach our children of God, His righteous laws, the truth of His Word, to provide an environment at home that nurtures spiritual growth, answer their questions, live out biblical truth constantly as an example, and to cultivate in their hearts love for God.  It is well said that "more is caught than taught."  Sunday School will never replace this personal instruction with a complimentary Christian witness, nor does church attendance free us from our personal duty and responsibility to teach and train our children in the admonition of the LORD.  Do you know how many millions of souls have been doomed to hell by a parent's poor example?  I would say even more have been lost because of lack of instruction, prayer, and carelessness.  God says through the prophet in Hosea 4:6, "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge..."  Why should our children perish because of our negligence?

Speaking for myself as a "churched" kid, my heart was virtually never engaged in Sunday School.  It was little more than reading comprehension:  a story was read and we would answer questions about it.  I cannot remember scripture being applied to my life.  Sadly, I believed my job in Sunday School was to make sure everything the teacher said was correct according to scripture.  I had a reputation among my peers and teachers of knowing everything about the Bible, but I harboured a critical spirit in pride.  I strained out the gnats and swallowed the camel!  God used an atheist college professor and public university to humble me and compel me to seek Him.  Questions were asked I had never heard in Sunday School!  The validity and social relevance of the Bible were not assumed like in church services.  I was forced to either throw out everything I believed or actually discover the person of Jesus Christ as revealed in scripture.  Don't get me wrong.  I had great Sunday School teachers and godly parents who took the time to disciple me.  But it was not until I was confronted with a challenge from a godless environment that caused me to develop spiritually.

When I was on staff at a church, God convicted me that I was not performing my duty as a parent to personally instruct my children.  My kids are very well-mannered, obedient, and respectful in church.  They know that if they do not behave there will be consequences!  But because of their attentiveness and knowledge, they were flying under the radar.  It is a sad truth knowledge can often pass as spirituality, though knowledge of God's Word does not mean a person knows God!  My wife and I repented of our lax leadership, and instituted a "Bible night" where we discuss a basic doctrine of scripture.  It marked the start of us walking in obedience to God in teaching our children of Him.  One day a week is still not enough impart all the spiritual nourishment needed.  Like the scripture states, we should be diligent to instruct them concerning God when we rise up, lie down, walk in the way, or sit in our house.  God's truth should be so plastered all over our lives that when our kids see us they see Jesus Christ.  I am not saying we should be legalistic, but on the contrary:  our relationship with Jesus should govern our thoughts, mouths, activities, intentions, and attitudes.

Please do not fall for the lie that Sunday School provides all the spiritual nourishment and instruction your children need.  It is not the primary job of Sunday School teacher or a pastor to instruct your children:  it is your job!  Instead of working to create a "Christian bubble" around our kids, let us labour to have Christ living inside them.  No matter what struggles they face or what fiery darts Satan throws at them, they can stand firm upon the foundation of Christ as revealed in scripture when we are faithful to instruct and encourage them.  Let us instruct with our lives as well as our mouths.  Have you taken steps to lead your children to Christ today?