When the Chargers went to the Super Bowl in 1994, I was very excited to watch my team on the biggest stage the NFL could offer. What began as a dream come true ended up the things of nightmares when the team folded like a beach towel and the poor start made catching up impossible. I remember being so disheartened by the halftime score I decided it would be more fun to play football with friends in the yard rather than subject myself to additional disappointment of watching the beat-down continue. Being a die-hard Charger fan (and thus a glutton for punishment) I watched the whole thing. Though I have had access to the game and highlights, re-watching that game does not interest me. Had the Chargers come out on top, however, it would be a different story.
During a gridiron season, "watching tape" is a huge part of scheming for future opponents and personal improvement by learning from your own mistakes to avoid repeating them. The camera does not lie: it will show a dropped pass, a muffed punt, a missed tackle and a blown assignment. The footage reveals when a quarterback overthrew a wide open receiver and how a kicker pushed a potentially game-winning kick wide right. I imagine some games make for difficult viewing for players who know well their errors and mistakes directly contributed to a painful loss for their whole team. It wouldn't surprise me if players were reluctant to watch a recording of what they felt was their worst game ever, wanting to forget all memory of it and move on as if it never happened and could never happen again.
Now we'd like to do that with our sin as well, but God loves us better than that. Like a father disciplines and corrects the son he loves, God deals with us when we choose sin that will, if left unchecked, cuts believers off from fellowship with Him. The most humble, meek ones among us can kick against the goads wielded gently by the Holy Spirit. Moses said to God in Numbers 11:14-15: "I
am not able to bear all these people alone, because the burden is too
heavy for me. 15 If You treat me like
this, please kill me here and now--if I have found favor in Your sight--and do
not let me see my wretchedness!" When the taxing situation of leading God's people in the wilderness overwhelmed Moses, he wished to die rather than be confronted with his own wretchedness. This word is translated most often in the KJV of the Bible as evil (442 times), wickedness (59 times) and wicked (25 times). The stress of dealing with the children of Israel exposed wickedness in Moses his flesh would rather die than see and address. And that's exactly what sin does: it was working to destroy and ruin Moses as it does all men.
In His wisdom God exposes our sins so we might confess them, repent and forsake them, choosing to walk in obedience to God instead. The Law of Moses required the sacrifice of an acceptable animal whose blood was shed to atone for sin. Jesus was sent as the Lamb of God without blemish who offered up His life as a substitute for sinners, paying the price we owed by the grace of God. By God's divine power all our sins have been washed away and we have been forgiven of every trespass. When we do sin (and there is no man alive who does not) God promises if we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9-10). Having forgiven us He does not make us watch again and again old tapes of our failures to condemn us: there are many more sinful habits, thoughts and words He will address we never realised we were guilty of, and He reveals them to us because He loves us. Perhaps you would rather die than deal with your sin, but God knows and loves you better than that.