Nimby!

I learned a new word today:  nimby.  It means, "Not in my backyard!"  It reminded me of something I've been thinking of lately.  The messages at Calvary Chapel Sydney lately have compelled me to do some personal examination and inventory.  As a parent or leader, we are to be circumspect in our conduct and that of our children.  There is always the potential that we will be personally offended when kids we are supervising (especially our own!) fall into destructive or sinful behaviour.  We can forget that we too are imperfect, and sin ultimately is not against us but God.

It has been revealed to me by God that I tend towards a "nimby" or "Not on my watch!" mentality.  When we make the struggles of others focused on primarily how they affect us, we have ceased to walk in love.  If I grit my teeth in frustration because of the inconvenience of an internet filter installed for the safety of my children, I am walking in selfishness - not love.  It occurred to me that as a parent, it is better to be watchful and discern sinful behaviour than to bury my head in the sand and pretend all is well.  Sometimes as parents we discover our kids are struggling in an area, it feels like an indictment against us.  We are tempted to believe the lie that this means we must be doing a terrible job as a parent.  Actually, quite the opposite may be true!  It is a good watchman who notices the danger and does something about it.  His discovery of a threat proves he is doing his job, and his loyalty to his master and his position moves him to action.

When we aren't aware of the struggles of our kids, we may think we are doing a spectacular job.  But our ignorance of a struggle does not mean there is not fight a going on.  God is the best Father, yet that doesn't mean His kids are perfect!  The fella who said "Ignorance is bliss" clearly never considered the certain end of that path.  God said in Hosea 4:6 that His people were destroyed for lack of knowledge.  Ignorance of the law does not make a man innocent, and ignorance concerning the struggles of others does not spare them the consequences.  It would be better for our children to go "off the rails" whilst in a nurturing, loving environment where they are accountable before man and God than to do so after they have left home and resort to their own devices.  If open communication is established while kids are young without there being hell to pay, kids will confide more with their parents about the real issues they face.  The consequences of freely confessing sin should not bear the same punishment for sin parents discover themselves.  If you think all is well because your kids haven't approached you with a conflict, don't be deceived to think they are immune from sin.  It won't be your great parenting that saves them, but the grace of God.

I must move beyond the nimby mentality which suggests as long as I don't know about it, everything is fine.  As long as I remain my children's prime deterrent to sin, what will keep my children following God into adulthood and after they have moved away from my home?  We must teach our children to honour God proactively, not instruct them through our negative reactions to cleverly mask their pains and hide their sins.  A life of holiness goes far beyond the outward conduct, but is a matter of the heart.  If we make the Christian lifestyle of one preoccupied with externals, the inner man has not been affected.  Therefore we must labour to deal with the source of sin by gently shepherding our children's hearts as we are led by the Holy Spirit.  It is for us to maintain our walk with God, so we will be able to demonstrate for our children the relationship God intends man to have with Him.

We may have all the wisdom in the world but unless we walk in love, we are nothing.  It is the love of God that pursued and captured our hearts, and God's love through us will have the greatest and most profound impact on our kids as we encourage them to receive of His love and walk therein.