Parents and Taking Initiative

There are things in life nothing can really prepare us for:  you must experience them personally to learn more about yourself and grow in maturity.  It is good to undergo Christian premarital counselling, discuss expectations and plan for the future, but it is a massive difference between talking about marriage to being married.  The same could be said for having children.  A couple can go to classes in preparation for the birth of their first child, furnish a nursery, buy a car seat and read books.  But there is nothing like driving home with a new human being in the car with the sober responsibility to protect, provide for and nourish your own baby at every hour day and night.

One thing I have learned as a parent is the need to keep making necessary adjustments in every season as my children have grown into adulthood.  Young parents hear about the "terrible twos" and the rocky teenage years, but I do not recall those living up to the negative hype.  What I have found the most challenging is how to manage the young adult season, to learn by trial and error the tension between encouraging and supporting them or falling back into the habit of doing things for them.  A lot of parents, me included, at times can hinder the growth of character by catering to them and thus denying them valuable life lessons only learned by struggle and failure.

When I was an apprentice, the approach to training workers was three-fold:  curriculum that taught us about mechanical systems, hands-on practice in a classroom environment, and working full-time in the field on jobsites.  Reading books, answering questions or drawing patterns in a classroom was no substitute for being on a real job under the guidance of a foreman.  This is a good thing for parents to remember, that watching mum or dad bake or ice a cake, use the BBQ or smoker, mow the lawn or wash the car is not the same thing as them doing the job from start to finish without being constantly told what to do or pushed aside.  Mistakes will be made, but lessons will also be learned.  This means jobs will take longer and may not be done to the standard we hold ourselves to, but it means one day your child may outshine you at the task.  Knowledge of a job process and responsibility to do it suddenly provides awareness and empowers us to do meaningful work.

Just the other day my son and I changed the inlet valve on a toilet.  Rather than my usual "doing it all by myself" approach, I walked him through the job he did pretty much by himself.  I explained the basic function of the main parts in a toilet cistern and what to look and listen for.  It was not a day or two later when I reaped rewards of this approach to household maintenance, for he pointed out an outlet value of a urinal was leaking at church.  This is one benefit of allowing others to learn under your watch, that their eyes and ears will be opened to put their knowledge to work.  Taking the initiative to clean, maintain and fix things is directly tied to knowledge of how to do tasks and what is needed to complete them.  If you find yourself as a parent frustrated or appalled at your child's lack of initiative, they may need some encouragement through on the job training.  Don't just show them what to do, but let them try their hand at it as you do as little as possible.  It will take longer and will be more work for you, yet it will be better for everyone in the end--including the next generation yet to be born!