The 10 Letter Word

Sometime during my life, "punishment" became a bad ten letter word that was an indicator of a heavy-handed parent, one who might as well admit to abusing their child.  I can understand serious concern how consequences for doing wrong are meted out because parents, teachers and others in positions of authority have committed abuses, but the Bible shows punishment in itself is not sinful or morally wrong.  God punishes evildoers, and what those in authority must understand is they are not God and must answer to Him for their deviation from love, mercy, compassion and justice.  It is the love and fear of God that ought to govern God's people in the administration of discipline.

I have experienced leaders at schools, camps and the workplace who embraced positive affirmation to a degree that made me squirm with discomfort more than harsh censure.  Instead of identifying bad behaviour and enforcing a clear boundary with corrective measures, some feel compelled to tell everyone how wonderful and amazing their conduct has been.  Had those words come from my mouth, I would have been guilty of lying through my teeth based upon my observations and convictions.  Sometimes bad behaviour occurs when a boundary and clear consequences were not adequately spelled out, and once this is done there is no excuse for those in authority not following through with their own stated policies when there is clear, willful disobedience.  When leaders neglect to take appropriate action, a warning is reduced to an idle threatening which leads to habitual and greater transgression.

Webster defined "punishment" with important distinctions:  "Any pain or suffering inflicted on a person for a crime or offense, by the authority to which the offender is subject, either by the constitution of God or of civil society. The punishment of the faults and offenses of children by the parent, is by virtue of the right of government with which the parent is invested by God himself. This species of punishment is chastisement or correction. The punishment of crimes against the laws is inflicted by the supreme power of the state in virtue of the right of government, vested in the prince or legislature. The right of punishment belongs only to persons clothed with authority. Pain, loss or evil willfully inflicted on another for his crimes or offenses by a private unauthorized person, is revenge rather than punishment."  There are different kinds of punishment that are to be done in an appropriate way in the fear of God.  Punishment is not merely inflicting pain as retribution--"You angered me so I will hurt you"--but has the aim of instruction, correction and restoration.  When punishment is abandoned for vengeance, we transgress upon God's sovereign territory.

I remember years ago there was an unruly youth at a centre where I worked.  We had a simple disciplinary approach taken from soccer for the kids who attended:  a yellow card was a warning, and a red card meant ejection.  While we always encouraged the children and praised good behaviour, we also needed an effective way to communicate what behaviour was unacceptable.  After serving more red cards to one youth than all other children combined, I sought the LORD and His wisdom because the red card punishment was not resulting in correction or reformation.  I was led to consider the words of Jesus in Matthew 18:15-17:  "Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. ¹⁶ But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that 'by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.' ¹⁷ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector."

My immediate response was, "That's not going to work."  But I chose to heed God's word and put the principle of Jesus' teaching into practice.  I had a conversation with the youth who claimed to be a Christian.  I explained that if I needed to give a red card again, we would have a chat with all the kids at the centre, that the youth would be prohibited from entry until there was a change of heart and willingness to follow the rules.  It wasn't long before the red card was issued, the conversation was had before all the children, and the youth was not permitted to attend.  A couple months later, we were all blessed by God's answer to prayer when the youth returned willing to apologise and had a different attitude.  There may have been a couple of yellow cards given after that, but never again a red card.  I cannot emphasise this enough:  it was not our system but God who made all the difference.  God was faithful to His word and loved me and the unruly youth enough to teach us all valuable lessons that made a difference for good.

I urge you brother and sister in Christ:  trust God enough to put His word into practice concerning administering punishment and discipline to those God has entrusted to you.  Love is shown by being patient and kind, by being slow to anger and not keeping records of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).  Abuse of authority is unloving, and it is also unloving to neglect appropriate discipline.  Should the temper flare and the flesh bristle with offence, immediately stop and examine your own heart before the LORD, repent of vengeful desires, and humble ourselves before God.  Then, even when it feels uncomfortable, have a conversation where you specifically identify the boundary and how it was transgressed.  Seek the LORD for what are appropriate consequences should the line be willfully crossed again.  Proverbs 13:24 says, "He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly."  Praise God He is gracious and merciful with His administration of discipline to us when we err, communicating His love without fail.