Loneliness and Love

During the Australian Open finals I saw an advertisement of an upcoming show of quite possibly the most ill-advised reality-type show ever:  "Married at First Sight."  I freely confess I have arrived to this negative view primarily on the basis of ads alone because I have never watched the show.  It seems ridiculous to pair perfect strangers together as a married couple in a culture which celebrates sex without a marriage relationship that honours God.  I don't know how contestants are compensated beyond money or becoming television celebrities (or gaining a lifelong spouse!), but in my opinion it seems too high a price to toy with people's emotions and feelings for a "social experiment" produced for entertainment.

The promo was particularly impacting because of the harsh reception a young woman named Connie received by family members when she announced she planned to appear on the show.  Connie shared with emotion how she often felt lonely and hoped going on the show and being married would change that.  I know Connie isn't alone.  In our hook-up culture largely devoid of intimacy or godly morality it is increasingly difficult to connect on a personal level that lasts.  This is not to say the church or Christians always have it right.  There are lonely people in the church, in Christian ministry, families, and marriages who seem to have everything going for them.

How I wish I had the opportunity to sit down for a chat with Connie and people who feel like her.  One thing I know for certain is marriage is no silver bullet to kill loneliness dead.  Placing your hopes on a marriage or another person to fulfill a gnawing need within you is misguided:  it is like the hope that eating a wholesome meal will permanently eliminate your need to eat.  No one can live up to our expectations.  To be loved, accepted, and belong is a need all people have only God is able to fully meet.  Looking to others to supply these needs for us will leave us wanting more and filled with dissatisfaction.  David wrote in Psalm 23:1, "The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want."  Because God was David's Shepherd he did not lack anything and was assured of all his needs being met forever by the God who gives eternal life.  David found satisfaction and rest in God who loved him.

It used to be common to say in marriage vows before God, "...till death do we part."  It is God's will marriage between a man and woman be lifelong, but it will not last forever.  The believer's relationship with God through faith in Jesus Christ is an eternal union with our Creator who loves us and desires we be together forever.  A married person can feel alone in a relationship devoid of love and affection, but a single person can experience a satisfying, fulfilling life without loneliness through a relationship with God freely offered and received by His grace.  Amazing that God would call our name, that He would seek a union with us more permanent and perfect than the best marriage!

Since God knows our needs and has promised to meet them, we can trust the God who created us to supply our needs in His time and way.  He joins us to His own Body the Church with brothers and sisters, provides spouses and children according to His will.  We can know we are not alone because Jesus has said, "I will never leave or forsake you."  It is this relationship with God which positively impacts all other relationships because God alone is already satisfying us:  it is not about how other people make us feel but that we already belong to God and are loved by Him.  As God's love flows through us to others He continues to fill us.  Instead of thinking, "I'm not getting anything out of this relationship" God shows us how we can love one another as He loves us.  The affirmation God gives is more than positive thinking but unconditional belonging where feelings of loneliness flit away.

Belonging to God

How blessed Christians are to be God's adopted, beloved children!  Young children might be small, weak, and vulnerable and learn to rely upon their parents for understanding and help.  A child who is loved can be secure and carefree knowing their parents are near.  The simplicity of a child's trust and reliance upon their parents is a lesson to all followers of Jesus Christ we should never grow out of.

Paul provides an example of this when a voyage which began with a gentle breeze turned stormy and deadly.  When all hope seemed to be lost, Paul stood up and addressed the crew and fellow prisoners with words of encouragement.  He said in Acts 27:22-25, "And now I urge you to take heart, for there will be no loss of life among you, but only of the ship. ²³ For there stood by me this night an angel of the God to whom I belong and whom I serve, ²⁴ saying, 'Do not be afraid, Paul; you must be brought before Caesar; and indeed God has granted you all those who sail with you.' ²⁵ Therefore take heart, men, for I believe God that it will be just as it was told me."

Paul exhorted the distressed men to take heart because God promised their lives would be preserved.  Notice how Paul viewed his relationship with God:  "...to whom I belong and whom I serve."  Much of our lives on earth, especially in our younger days, is to work to fit in somewhere, to belong.  Those who were blessed with a loving family understand how belonging impacts life, knowing you are the child of parents who provide, teach, discipline, and help.  No matter how people were treated by their parents, everyone has the opportunity to belong to God as His child through faith in Jesus.  Paul belonged to God and thus was secure and at rest even when his ship was tossed by waves.

As one who belonged to God, Paul served God.  The people I have grown closest to are those I spend time with and have shared experiences.  Since Paul belonged to God and God was with Paul, they conversed with each other.  Paul had great confidence all would happen as God told him through an angelic messenger.  Receiving a message from an angel would be a novel experience, but we do not need a heavenly vision to read and understand the Word of God, know God, and know we belong to Him.  No one can earn this sense of belonging through service or sacrifice:  it is only by the grace of God we are accepted and belong.  May God grant us the faith and confidence of Paul who was bold to live out his glorious identity in Christ.

Speaking in Symphony

In a meeting this week I was asked to describe the way God spoke to me when it came to deciding to move to Australia before I was aware of any open door.  I suppose I can describe it as similar to a symphony:  a crowd of musicians playing a variety of instruments led by one Conductor.  God is unlimited in the means and manner He speaks to us, confirming His leading by the Bible, other people, what some people might call "coincidence," and the witness of our own conscience, motives, and thoughts.  God is intimately acquainted with all people and knows the way to communicate in a way we can receive.  When we seek the LORD He is faithful to speak.

I remember the day very well God's call to go to Australia was crystalised in my mind.  Even the date was significant and unforgettable, commemorated in the title of this blog:  March 4th, 2009.  From early in our relationship my wife always said "March 4th" was her favourite date because it was also an action--something I never thought of.  On a day that started like countless before it, I rose early to spend some time with the LORD in prayer and reading the Bible.

On that particular morning I read Luke 23 and was struck by Luke 23:26:  "Now as they led Him away, they laid hold of a certain man, Simon a Cyrenian, who was coming from the country, and on him they laid the cross that he might bear it after Jesus."  I imagined what was going through the mind of Simon, a Gentile who was "laid hold of" to carry the cross for the bleeding, dying Jesus.  He had come out of his country, something I vaguely felt for years God was leading me to do.  The fact Simon was laid hold of suggests there were no volunteers willing to assist Jesus.  It occurred to me:  that is what the life of a follower of Jesus looks like.  I cried out to God in prayer basically saying, "Let that be me!"

That afternoon the pastoral staff was invited into the pastor's office for our regularly scheduled meeting.  My pastor was impressed by the testimony of a missionary he just heard of:  Gladys Aylward.  He conveyed this amazing story of how she was a British woman who went to China, ended up buying an orphaned child, and ended up being greatly used by God.  When I went back to my office I looked deeper into her story and was gobsmacked:  this was the first person I ever heard of who had a particular place on her heart--God put China on her heart without knowing anything about it, and God had done the same to me concerning Australia, specifically the east side.  Very strange indeed!

Being a Wednesday, I went home from work to exercise, shower, and have dinner before returning to church for the evening service.  As I walked past the globe in our home, I thought to myself:  what is the furthest east point of Australia?  I spun the globe and found Brisbane.  I tackled exercise with earnest, literally raising my voice to God to provide direction and help me to know His will.  Ten minutes in I thought I heard my flip-phone ring and contacted my wife Laura who told me I needed to check my email.  One of the high school students in the youth group needed a personal reference right away.  I opened the email and found an attachment of a template for the reference written in gibberish--all except the heading which read:

To: Somebody, Someone

100 Long Street
Brisbane, Australia

I seriously started shouting!  "What!?  God, you are CRAZY!  You are wild!"  After I calmed down a bit I thought, Brisbane eh?  And that's where I started looking.  I found there was a Calvary Chapel plant in Springwood and sent a letter introducing myself and telling my strange story about how I believed God was leading me to somehow minister in some capacity in Australia.  Amazingly my letter received a positive response and it was the first connection I made in Australia which has grown exponentially.  Hearing from God did not mean the process was quick or easy but God was faithful to speak in symphony and provided enough information for each next step of an amazing journey of following Jesus.

I am not a special case.  On the basis of God's Word I have all confidence God will speak to you too when you seek Him in His time and way.  God spoke to Samuel when he was a child who did not even know the LORD!  God has provided His Word and is the best communicator.  We are the weak link with our lack of seeking God and our chronic unbelief.  But praise be to God for His goodness, grace, and mercy.  He has done all things well.

The Love of God

It is important to understand how the coming of Jesus was intended to impact the views of people previously under the Law of Moses.  As believers who hold to the divine inspiration and relevance of all the Bible, it is vital to our understanding that the New Testament holds precedence over the Old.  This is not to say the Old Testament is of lesser value or is in any way outdated.  It is all the infallible Word of God and the context, with the help of the Holy Spirit to compare scripture with scripture, guides us into rightly dividing the word of truth with practical application.

Just this morning I was reading what David wrote in Psalm 139:19-22:  "Oh, that You would slay the wicked, O God! Depart from me, therefore, you bloodthirsty men. ²⁰ For they speak against You wickedly; Your enemies take Your name in vain. ²¹ Do I not hate them, O LORD, who hate You? And do I not loathe those who rise up against You? ²² I hate them with perfect hatred; I count them my enemies."  David viewed those who walked wickedly as enemies of God, despised them, and even desired their destruction.  In seasons of self righteousness I have sadly done the same.  To his credit the very next verses David humbly implored God to search his own heart and see if there be any wicked way in him so he could be led to life everlasting.  But just because David hated bloodthirsty blasphemers would it be righteous for me to do so?  King David was a ruler under Mosaic Law which governed him in his execution of justice.  Jesus Christ, the KING OF KINGS, has the right to overrule those who came before Him and who could not comprehend the grace of the Gospel yet to be revealed.  It was because of God's love for all the world--sinners deserving and destined for destruction--that Jesus came to seek and save the lost.

Jesus said to the amazement of His disciples who revered David in Matthew 5:43-48, "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' ⁴⁴ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, ⁴⁵ that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. ⁴⁶ For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? ⁴⁷ And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? ⁴⁸ Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect."  We are not made perfect through the hatred of others but by faith in God and are enabled by Him to love them as He does.  God's love in no way tramples on divine justice for Jesus was crucified on Calvary as a substitute for sinners.  Seeing God has graciously atoned for our sins, forgiven us, and imputed the righteousness of Christ to us by faith, we are to love others--even our enemies.  God knows who His enemies are and will deal with them in His time and way, and we are to do righteously in loving them in the meantime.

It's natural to hate the haters, yet as we receive the grace and love of God and walk in it we will be hated for it.  The apostle John wrote in 1 John 3:11-16:  "For this is the message that you heard from the beginning, that we should love one another, ¹² not as Cain who was of the wicked one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his works were evil and his brother's righteous. ¹³ Do not marvel, my brethren, if the world hates you. ¹⁴ We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love his brother abides in death. ¹⁵ Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him. ¹⁶ By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren."  David's love and hate seemed very much black and white, an "us and them" based upon works or affiliation.  John threw a curveball in emphasising our call and responsibility to love the brethren:  our fellow believers.  We wouldn't hate other professing Christians, would we?  Of course we would, and we have!  We have loved others less because we knew them well, because we were close to them, because we had high expectations they did not rise to meet.  We are often far more critical of people in our circle and forget to extend to others the patience and grace God has freely given to us.

Loving others means to speak the truth motivated by the love of God and others even when it is unpopular or hurts.  And when we have chosen to exercise faith in God by loving others sacrificially we ought not to be shocked when we are hated by the world for it.  Our call is to go far beyond "an eye for an eye" or even the Golden Rule (to do to others as we would have done to us) but to love one another like Jesus loves us.  Loving strikes at our hearts and souls, continuing to refine us when our exterior seems clean and sanctified.  We are finite in every respect but God's love is infinite.  Love is of God and the only way we can begin to love like Him is when we are born of God through faith in Christ and know God as the Holy Spirit fills us.  Brothers and sisters, let us love one another even when we are hated.  As we have freely received let us freely give.