A pastor recently told me an interesting observation during marriage counselling over the years. He noted the tendency of people to make demands of marriage to be something God never intended, to provide for their needs how only God can. A single person who seeks fulfillment, satisfaction and belonging from life through a romantic relationship alone will ultimately be disappointed. There is a persistent myth that we are incomplete without a spouse or sex. It is ironic the very thing we seek and obtain can be the source of great consternation and frustration after it is revealed to be incapable of meeting our expectations.
See what Paul wrote to believers in Colossians 2:8-12 (bold emphasis mine): "Beware lest anyone cheat you through philosophy and empty deceit,
according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the
world, and not according to Christ. 9 For in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily; 10 and you are complete in Him, who
is the head of all principality and power. 11 In Him you were also circumcised with the
circumcision made without hands, by putting off the body of the sins of the
flesh, by the circumcision of Christ, 12 buried with Him in baptism, in which you also were raised with
Him through faith in the working of God, who raised Him from the dead." In Jesus alone we are complete regardless of marital status, having been joined to Him in faith. Through the Gospel Jesus Christ has done a work within us and therefore we work by the power of the Holy Spirit.
This connection with the Body of Christ is not without pitfalls, for as people can look expectantly to a spouse to meet needs only God can, we can look to a church or ministry leader in a similar fashion. People can feel disenfranchised in a church because of legitimate flaws and because they suppose programs or people within the church ought to provide and meet needs God alone can. Those who serve in church ministry can also labour for self-serving purposes: to feel accepted, needed, for praise and to belong. Church ministry can become a demanding mistress which ironically works to turn the minister's heart away from dependence and reliance on God. The child of God who realises he is complete in God alone will not be worried about pleasing men or dwindling numbers, for he is already full and lacks nothing that pertains to life and godliness forever.
I'm learning the more I feel I look for positive affirmation by people or quantifiable "fruit" from my efforts I can see, it is a dead-giveaway I have forgotten I am already complete in Jesus. And I am easily forgetful. My perspective at times can be like the person who goes to the gym and puts out consistent effort and becomes disappointed when the pounds are not melting away and painful injuries are setbacks that overwhelm any gains. Life is no easier for the bloke with bigger biceps or the woman with washboard abdominals, and it would be foolish to think the Body of Christ cannot be fruitful or useful unless we measure up to some arbitrary, unwritten ideal. How refreshing and joyous a revelation it is to be complete in Jesus Christ! Instead of us grasping with futility for the wind we are held close by the love of God and made useful for every good work.