Take the Lead to Love

During our family's recent visit to the States, I was blessed to have a meaningful conversation with my brother and his wife.  I appreciate the enlightenment which comes from the thoughtful observations of others from a different perspective.  In the discussion my brother brought up he did not approve with the common suggestion from pulpits that men are called to be the "spiritual leader in the home."  What bothered him was not the call for men to lead well according to scripture, but the statement can be a subtle suggestion men's leadership in the home, marriage, work, or child-rearing is limited to spiritual matters.  I had not thought of this before, and it is a fair point.

We have observed many not-so subtle changes in society and culture today which have eroded what we could call "traditional" values for better or worse.  One wonderful aspect of God and His Word is that it does not change and we can count on God to guide us into all truth regardless of our culture or upbringing.   God has made a distinction between males and females throughout the scripture and provided guidance for what constitutes marriage, roles, duties, and responsibilities.  Though males and females are different and their roles in a family distinct, the role of the our hearts being surrendered before God as believers is of primary importance.  Dealing with the sin in our own hearts is a common struggle we all must face.

It is a ploy of the devil to undermine and sabotage the good things God has created like marriage and the family structure.  He will point to abusive and domineering husbands why a woman ought not to submit according to the biblical mandate, and use contentious or disobedient wives as an example why men shouldn't love them as Jesus loves the church - or be married at all.  The world seizes the language used in the Bible and hijacks it according to fallacious caricatures embracing excess, marital rape, manipulation, and oppression.  This is not to say there are never cases of abuse or oppression among Christians, nor does it suggest non-believers cannot have satisfying relationships.  The fact is we are all sinners, and just because Christians have not lived up to Christ's righteous standards does not mean the standard is evil or wrong.

The Bible outlines not only the roles of husbands and wives, but also the attitude and way we are to do things:  in the love of God.  There is to be grace, mercy, compassion, and caring of the needs of others more than your own desires.  It is not a sentimental relationship but sacrificial as both are obedient to the LORD.  In a marriage the husband is responsible before God to lead as the head, and the wife is to manage the home and children with his authority.  Both have equal responsibility before God to do their part as He leads together.  The marriage relationship is one formed by God and under God, and whether married or single we are all to submit under Him.  Ephesians 5:15-21 is a great exhortation for all people regardless of gender or marital status:  "See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, ¹⁶ redeeming the time, because the days are evil. ¹⁷ Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. ¹⁸ And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, ¹⁹ speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, ²⁰ giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, ²¹ submitting to one another in the fear of God."

It is in this context and heart wives are to submit to their own husbands and husbands are to love their wives.  Whether or not a man believes his wife is in submission to his will, his duty before God is to keep loving his wife as Jesus loves the church - the church for which He purchased with His own blood.  As a married man I must be occupied with this one thing, not being preoccupied with perceived failures of others.  The words Jesus spoke to Peter ring true concerning the issues of others:  "What is that to you?  You follow me."  Husbands ought to take the lead in communicating, serving, sharing, giving, providing, and encouraging.  We ought to be leaders in showing mercy, giving grace, forgiving, helping, and strengthening.  Think of all Jesus has done for us - and what He keeps doing for us despite our faults.  He intercedes for us with the Father, and we ought to pray for our wives.  We should remain chaste in body and mind for our wives, even as Jesus is pure.  In everything we ought to take the lead, and this includes spiritual nurturing and training.  And brothers, if we do not do the first thing to love our wives as Christ loves the church, awful spiritual leaders we will be.

Grief and Love

The life, experiences, and example of Jesus are a constant source of comfort to Christians.  He was in all points tempted, yet without sin.  This demonstrates how He walked in obedience to the Father and He will always lead us according to the Father's will.  The prophet Isaiah spoke of the Messiah being a "man of sorrows" and "acquainted with grief."  We have all experienced sorrow and grief, but never to the level of a holy God who completely knows the thoughts and hearts of men.  There is much which grieves God that escapes our notice, yet Jesus retained fullness of joy. Though He grieved Jesus did not despair, and this is a trap we can avoid by His grace.

Today in prayer I was speaking with God about things which grieve me.  The Webster's 1828 dictionary defines "grieve" in these ways:  "1. To give pain of mind to; to afflict; to wound the feelings; 2. To afflict; to inflict pain on; 3. To make sorrowful; to excite regret in; 4. To offend; to displease; to provoke."  I was reminded how Esau's choice of wives brought about great grief of mind to his mother, Rebekah.  Then in dawned on me:  Esau's poor decisions were a grief of mind to Rebekah because she loved her son.  She cared about him and wanted only the best.  This instance shows grief can be a result of love for others.  Love, when provoked by pains or harm of those dear to us, can respond with grief.

This is a surprising development, that increased love for others brings about additional grief for us - and in addition great happiness and satisfaction.  I am most pleased to be married to my wife and to be blessed by God with two sons.  Their friendship and companionship is a treasure to me, and it is a pleasure to know and spend time with them.  At the same time, because I do love them, their struggles or decisions can be a source of grief.  Their decisions do not grieve someone down the street or across the globe because they do not know or love them.  But because I love them I care, and I become more acquainted with grief because of God's love in me.

When we grow in love of God and others, we will experience grief.  God never does anything to be grieved over, but I can be grieved how I have often grieved Him by sinful choices, selfish behaviour, and hurtful words.  I have grieved him by my unbelief and folly.  I dislike the feelings of grief very much and try to avoid them, and my life has given cause for Jesus to be grieved.  But praise the LORD, I do not need to drown in grief perpetually because my Saviour does not.  He knows me, has saved and washed me, and made me righteous by His grace.  I do not need to grieve continually for others either, having committed them into the hands of God who loves them far more than I ever could.  We should keep on loving, but we don't need to grieve forever as those without hope.  Grief will someday be a thing of the past, and we can always rejoice in the our Saviour's love.

To God We Belong

"And now I urge you to take heart, for there will be no loss of life among you, but only of the ship. ²³ For there stood by me this night an angel of the God to whom I belong and whom I serve, ²⁴ saying, 'Do not be afraid, Paul; you must be brought before Caesar; and indeed God has granted you all those who sail with you.'"

Acts 27:22-24

During a voyage, the ship bearing Paul to Rome was caught in a severe storm in the Mediterranean sea.  When all hope had been given up of being saved, Paul addressed the men.  He shared with them a fantastic revelation spoken by an angel sent from God that every one of their lives would be preserved.  God had answered Paul's prayer and there would be no loss of life among them.  It was not uncommon for people to worship and serve many gods in a polytheistic culture - including the emperor.  People had household idols for protection, prosperity, good fortune, and countless more.  What was unique about Paul's statement was that he did not have gods or charms in his possession which belonged to him, but he belonged to God.  I imagine in the violent tempest many pagan gods literally overturned, were lost, or thrown overboard in a desperate attempt to lighten the ship and save their lives.  Paul could not lose his God, nor could he be lost by the God to whom he belonged.  What comfort this brings all who fear the God of Israel!

Idolatry has been a common error throughout history.  Micah was a man in the book of Judges who was a religious man.  He was religious, but was not at all righteous.  He was a thief who made a shrine full of idols in his home, made carved and moulded images, fashioned a copy of the ephod used by the priests in the tabernacle, and consecrated one of his sons and later a travelling Levite to be his priest.  He believed God would do him good because of his religious efforts and expense.  A day came when scouts from the tribe of Dan saw the shrine with the valuable images and spoke with the Levite.  They offered him the opportunity to be a priest not only of a household but a whole tribe!  The Levite was glad for a status upgrade, and so the shrine was robbed of both idols and priest.  As you might imagine, Micah was not pleased to be so robbed!  He and his household pursued, overtook the company from Dan, and boldly confronted them.

Judges 18:23-26 says, "And they called out to the children of Dan. So they turned around and said to Micah, "What ails you, that you have gathered such a company?" ²⁴ So he said, "You have taken away my gods which I made, and the priest, and you have gone away. Now what more do I have? How can you say to me, 'What ails you?' " ²⁵ And the children of Dan said to him, "Do not let your voice be heard among us, lest angry men fall upon you, and you lose your life, with the lives of your household!" ²⁶ Then the children of Dan went their way. And when Micah saw that they were too strong for him, he turned and went back to his house."  The gods which belonged to Micah were stolen, and he did not have the power or ability to take them back from the men of Dan.  Some gods those were which needed protection and security provided by Micah!  Micah felt he had lost everything because gods which belonged to him were taken, but the reality was he lost nothing.  Though fashioned with precious metals by a skilled craftsman artistically, those gods had no power to hear, speak, or save.

What a difference it is to belong to God who has chosen all who fear Him, rather than serving a god of your own devising and choosing.  Paul said to the intellectuals of Athens in Acts 17:29-31, "Therefore, since we are the offspring of God, we ought not to think that the Divine Nature is like gold or silver or stone, something shaped by art and man's devising. ³⁰ Truly, these times of ignorance God overlooked, but now commands all men everywhere to repent, ³¹ because He has appointed a day on which He will judge the world in righteousness by the Man whom He has ordained. He has given assurance of this to all by raising Him from the dead."  We have not chosen the one true God but He has chosen us, and proved Himself to be Saviour and Judge of all the earth by raising Jesus Christ from the dead.  What a glorious relationship God has invited us to enter, that we could have the right through faith to be children of God!  We may not feel like we belong anywhere in this world, but as Christians we belong to God.  Our belonging and endurance does not depend upon our grip because He holds us close and speaks even in storms.

Jesus Has All Authority

People who speak the same language can have distinct accents.  As a person born in America now living in Australia, my status as a dual-citizen nor the years I have lived here have softened my foreign accent.  I can use and understand Aussie slang in conversation, but my accent still stands out.  I have discovered a similar phenomenon to this in Christian circles, how particular words they employ reveal their beliefs and background.  There is a Christian culture which places large emphasis on the "authority" of believers as children of God.  Whilst God has equipped His children to do His will and contend for the faith, I believe it is much better to focus on the authority and sovereignty of God.  Can you imagine a little child shouting at an advancing army, "Go away!  I have authority!" because he is the son of a king?  As an enemy that's not a kid I take very seriously.

I was reading A.W. Tozer and he had some excellent insights on how believers should conduct themselves in conflict - especially those of a spiritual nature.  There are no shortage of books on how to conduct "spiritual warfare," various praying techniques, and approaches to "deliverance ministry."  Our culture believes if it works for me it must be true or good, but God's Word remains the perfect standard.  This excerpt from The Crucified Life lays out great observations better than I could say myself.

One solution offered these days is to engage the enemy.  When we feel the enemy attacking us, we need to dig in our heels and have a face-off with him.  This is a display of spiritual machismo.  We want to show the troublemaker, and anybody else who might be watching us, that we're nobody to be fooled with.

The only problem is that the devil will never face you directly.  And I might as well say it:  the devil does not fight fair.  The devil uses rules that he makes up as he goes along...The devil loves us to engage him in battle.  This is what he lives for.  He knows that he cannot win, but he also knows that he can do some damage in the process.  The entire agenda of the enemy can be boiled down to one objective:  embarrass God through some of His children.  The devil thought he could do that with Job in the Old Testament.  But what the devil did not know was that God was in absolute control every step of the way.

Another solution that some Christians try is using Scripture to defy the enemy.  But what these Christians do not realise is that the devil knows Scripture better than some theologians.  The devil's heart is not filled with doubt but with hatred and jealousy.  His hatred of God and jealousy of God blind him to the reality of God's leadership.

For any Christian to use Scripture without the Spirit is like engaging in a battle with a paper sword.  It is not the Word only that will turn back the devil; rather, it is the Word and the power.  The devil can quote Scripture better than any seminary professor, but when the Word is under the direction of the Holy Spirit, it will always find its deadly mark.

When Daniel was thrown into the lion's den, he did nothing to defend himself.  He did not try to engage the enemy.  He did not try to defy his enemies by quoting Scripture.  He simply left his situation in God's hands.  This brings me to David's solution to his problems...In Psalm 57:1, David says, "In the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until these calamities be overpass."  Instead of going out to fight his own battles, David took refuge in God.  How tempting it might have been for him to show the enemy his strength and might.  To show his enemy that he was not somebody to be messed with must have been a great temptation for a man like David.  Instead of engaging the enemy, however, David took refuge in the shadow of God's wings. 

 What a blessed truth to understand that, in the middle of all of our difficulties and calamities, we have a refuge.  Certainly, there is a time to go forth into battle and engage the enemy.  But this should only be under the direct orders of the Captain of our salvation. (Tozer, A. W., and James L. Snyder. The Essential Tozer Collection: the Crucified Life. Bethany House, 2017. pages 184-185)

Better than asserting my authority in Christ how much better it is to look to Jesus Christ who has all authority in heaven and on earth (Matt. 28:18-20).  God is able to protect all His children, and we can trust Him completely.  I am unable to remain vigilant at all times against human or spiritual assailants and have no strength to defend myself, but God is a refuge in every calamity.  We rest in His power and strength.  Praise the LORD He has claimed the battle and the victory as His.