During our family's recent visit to the States, I was blessed to have a meaningful conversation with my brother and his wife. I appreciate the enlightenment which comes from the thoughtful observations of others from a different perspective. In the discussion my brother brought up he did not approve with the common suggestion from pulpits that men are called to be the "spiritual leader in the home." What bothered him was not the call for men to lead well according to scripture, but the statement can be a subtle suggestion men's leadership in the home, marriage, work, or child-rearing is limited to spiritual matters. I had not thought of this before, and it is a fair point.
We have observed many not-so subtle changes in society and culture today which have eroded what we could call "traditional" values for better or worse. One wonderful aspect of God and His Word is that it does not change and we can count on God to guide us into all truth regardless of our culture or upbringing. God has made a distinction between males and females throughout the scripture and provided guidance for what constitutes marriage, roles, duties, and responsibilities. Though males and females are different and their roles in a family distinct, the role of the our hearts being surrendered before God as believers is of primary importance. Dealing with the sin in our own hearts is a common struggle we all must face.
It is a ploy of the devil to undermine and sabotage the good things God has created like marriage and the family structure. He will point to abusive and domineering husbands why a woman ought not to submit according to the biblical mandate, and use contentious or disobedient wives as an example why men shouldn't love them as Jesus loves the church - or be married at all. The world seizes the language used in the Bible and hijacks it according to fallacious caricatures embracing excess, marital rape, manipulation, and oppression. This is not to say there are never cases of abuse or oppression among Christians, nor does it suggest non-believers cannot have satisfying relationships. The fact is we are all sinners, and just because Christians have not lived up to Christ's righteous standards does not mean the standard is evil or wrong.
The Bible outlines not only the roles of husbands and wives, but also the attitude and way we are to do things: in the love of God. There is to be grace, mercy, compassion, and caring of the needs of others more than your own desires. It is not a sentimental relationship but sacrificial as both are obedient to the LORD. In a marriage the husband is responsible before God to lead as the head, and the wife is to manage the home and children with his authority. Both have equal responsibility before God to do their part as He leads together. The marriage relationship is one formed by God and under God, and whether married or single we are all to submit under Him. Ephesians 5:15-21 is a great exhortation for all people regardless of gender or marital status: "See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, 16 redeeming the time, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 18 And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, 20 giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another in the fear of God."
It is in this context and heart wives are to submit to their own husbands and husbands are to love their wives. Whether or not a man believes his wife is in submission to his will, his duty before God is to keep loving his wife as Jesus loves the church - the church for which He purchased with His own blood. As a married man I must be occupied with this one thing, not being preoccupied with perceived failures of others. The words Jesus spoke to Peter ring true concerning the issues of others: "What is that to you? You follow me." Husbands ought to take the lead in communicating, serving, sharing, giving, providing, and encouraging. We ought to be leaders in showing mercy, giving grace, forgiving, helping, and strengthening. Think of all Jesus has done for us - and what He keeps doing for us despite our faults. He intercedes for us with the Father, and we ought to pray for our wives. We should remain chaste in body and mind for our wives, even as Jesus is pure. In everything we ought to take the lead, and this includes spiritual nurturing and training. And brothers, if we do not do the first thing to love our wives as Christ loves the church, awful spiritual leaders we will be.
We have observed many not-so subtle changes in society and culture today which have eroded what we could call "traditional" values for better or worse. One wonderful aspect of God and His Word is that it does not change and we can count on God to guide us into all truth regardless of our culture or upbringing. God has made a distinction between males and females throughout the scripture and provided guidance for what constitutes marriage, roles, duties, and responsibilities. Though males and females are different and their roles in a family distinct, the role of the our hearts being surrendered before God as believers is of primary importance. Dealing with the sin in our own hearts is a common struggle we all must face.
It is a ploy of the devil to undermine and sabotage the good things God has created like marriage and the family structure. He will point to abusive and domineering husbands why a woman ought not to submit according to the biblical mandate, and use contentious or disobedient wives as an example why men shouldn't love them as Jesus loves the church - or be married at all. The world seizes the language used in the Bible and hijacks it according to fallacious caricatures embracing excess, marital rape, manipulation, and oppression. This is not to say there are never cases of abuse or oppression among Christians, nor does it suggest non-believers cannot have satisfying relationships. The fact is we are all sinners, and just because Christians have not lived up to Christ's righteous standards does not mean the standard is evil or wrong.
The Bible outlines not only the roles of husbands and wives, but also the attitude and way we are to do things: in the love of God. There is to be grace, mercy, compassion, and caring of the needs of others more than your own desires. It is not a sentimental relationship but sacrificial as both are obedient to the LORD. In a marriage the husband is responsible before God to lead as the head, and the wife is to manage the home and children with his authority. Both have equal responsibility before God to do their part as He leads together. The marriage relationship is one formed by God and under God, and whether married or single we are all to submit under Him. Ephesians 5:15-21 is a great exhortation for all people regardless of gender or marital status: "See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, 16 redeeming the time, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 18 And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, 20 giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another in the fear of God."
It is in this context and heart wives are to submit to their own husbands and husbands are to love their wives. Whether or not a man believes his wife is in submission to his will, his duty before God is to keep loving his wife as Jesus loves the church - the church for which He purchased with His own blood. As a married man I must be occupied with this one thing, not being preoccupied with perceived failures of others. The words Jesus spoke to Peter ring true concerning the issues of others: "What is that to you? You follow me." Husbands ought to take the lead in communicating, serving, sharing, giving, providing, and encouraging. We ought to be leaders in showing mercy, giving grace, forgiving, helping, and strengthening. Think of all Jesus has done for us - and what He keeps doing for us despite our faults. He intercedes for us with the Father, and we ought to pray for our wives. We should remain chaste in body and mind for our wives, even as Jesus is pure. In everything we ought to take the lead, and this includes spiritual nurturing and training. And brothers, if we do not do the first thing to love our wives as Christ loves the church, awful spiritual leaders we will be.
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