Parent Up!

"The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother."

Proverbs 29:15

On the cusp of battle against Israel, the Philistines were afraid.  They had heard of the miraculous wonders and deliverance by the power of God and knew they were no match.  But they were determined to fight Israel to prevent being made servants over those they had long oppressed.  They rallied themselves in 1 Samuel 4:9:  "Be strong and conduct yourselves like men, you Philistines, that you do not become servants of the Hebrews, as they have been to you. Conduct yourselves like men, and fight!"  In modern vernacular, they urged one another to "Man up!" and fight like their lives, freedom and prosperity depended on it.  The Philistines won the battle, and God in time used it as an occasion to prove His supremacy over their god Dagon, plagued their cities for months, and Israel came to understand their need to rely on Him alone.  God was faithful to redeem the situation start to finish.

When it comes to parenting children, there is a need for parents to show at a minimum the same grit and resolve the Philistines had and "Parent up!"  We have strength beyond ourselves in our heavenly Father Who loves us and in Jesus Who is wisdom for us.  A father and mother best embrace their roles as parents by loving God and one another, together trusting and seeking God who allows conception and brings to the birth.  Parents are wise to fear God and provide a constant example of Christlikeness in submission to Him and one another in love, embracing their God-given task of raising a little one with the knowledge of God, providing for physical needs, nurturing, caring through consistent and well-weighted discipline, education and training.  Spending time with children and learning to communicate effectively is so important to convey your love, establish boundaries and expectations, and to encourage little ones as they grow.

Solomon provides insight to prospective or current parents that wisdom is given to children by the rod and rebuke that complement one another.  A common error exasperated parents make is they have neglected one or the other:  they have taken action to discipline without effective communication, or they habitually use words without consistent, corresponding action.  Whatever action employed for constructive discipline ought to be agreed upon by the parents according to God's word.  Threats, complaints, shouting, and pleading by themselves are impotent means of conveying wisdom.  Willful disobedience ought not to be laughed off or treated lightly.  Children learn to read their parents long before they can read words on a page or speak in complete sentences.  They quickly learn to masterfully exploit and manipulate doting parents who do not realise they are in a pitched battle of the will they retreat from and can surrender to.  The groundwork parents lay in a child's infancy will either be a bridge to learning and walking in God's wisdom or work to undermine all efforts to that end.  As Proverbs 29:17 says, "Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul."  Corrective action and words must be used together.

Solomon observed this in the training of household servants in Proverbs 29:19:  "A servant will not be corrected by mere words; for though he understands, he will not respond."  When it comes to correction, words are often not enough to illicit genuine change.  A stubborn child can shrug off words easily as he exerts his own will.  Such a one needs to be looked in the eye, spoken to in a caring manner so there is understanding, and physically restrained or moved.  The object must be put down; little hands should not be allowed to strike a parent.  Children are just as tireless as teens and adults to have their way, and the sooner they learn they are not in charge the better it is for everyone.  Solomon also gave a warning in Proverbs 29:21:  "He who pampers his servant from childhood will have him as a son in the end."  The idea is a coddled servant will never grow to be a fit servant and become a dependent and liability.

There is no perfect parent or child on this planet, but praise the LORD God is our Father in heaven who always knows what to do, what to say, and what He is doing.  When parenting feels all too much we are reminded God is not overwhelmed with our situation and can redeem even our fails for His good purposes.  As He has been gracious, merciful and good to us, we can exhibit His love with the rod and reproof to give wisdom.  Whether our children choose to receive God's wisdom is their responsibility, but as much as depends upon us let us always be faithful to pray for them, encourage, listen, be patient, correct when needed, confess our faults when we have sinned, and exhibit grace and forgiveness to build them up in our LORD.  Let us not leave our children to their own devices or to go their own way without correction, for that is the sure way to disgrace.

Guided By God

 "Any way the wind blows doesn’t really matter to me, to me.”

Quote from "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen

In His conversation with Nicodemus, Jesus compared the reality and operation of the Holy Spirit to that of wind:  one can feel and easily observe the effect of the wind, but the wind itself is not visible to our eyes.  When a person places their faith in Jesus Christ, we are filled with the Holy Spirit Who regenerates and guides us into all truth.  As a sailor adjusts the sails of a ship to best catch the wind, so we are propelled in ministry by the power of God as we yield to the Holy Spirit.  God's word could be compared to the rudder captained by Christ Who guides us in the correct direction of how to conduct our lives, examine our hearts, love one another and walk in obedience to God.  Unlike a rowboat that depends upon our limited strength and coordination or a motorboat where the occupants passively rely on a machine powered by petrol, we are to look to the LORD to guide us in His strength.

I was reminded of the lyrics of the popular Queen song "Bohemian Rhapsody" when I considered Ephesians 2:1-3:  "And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, ² in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, ³ among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others."  In this letter to believers in Ephesus, Paul described their life before coming to faith in Jesus Christ--a life by going wherever the wind blows.  Such a life is an aimless and likely nihilistic existence that, as the song suggests, ends in death without even caring.  It is no wonder Satan is called the "prince of the power of the air," a wicked, deceitful being who blows people towards ruin and eternal destruction by their lusts, flesh and minds.

Matthew Henry described the conduct of the life of Christians before they had faith in Jesus like this:  "Wicked men as slaves to Satan.  The course and tenor of their lives are according to his suggestions; they are subject to him, and are held captive by him at his will, whereupon he is called the god of this world, and the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience." (Church, Leslie F. Commentary on the Whole Bible by Matthew Henry Genesis to Revelation. Zondervan, 1974. page 1850)  Satan is a liar, thief and murderer from the beginning, and this deceiver and enemy of the souls of men easily convinces them they alone are the masters of their destiny, to live like a god before whom all others must bow.  In reality this one is enslaved mind and body to Satan, their own passions and lusts, is blind to the chains that bind them, and senseless of the wrath of God they face.  Led by everywhere the wind blows, whatever feels good, or in pursuit of fulfilling desires, the unbeliever is like a coin dropped into a donation funnel:  though the coin circles time and time again, ultimately gravity pulls it beyond our sight and it is plunged into darkness.  Unlike donation boxes that can fill up, the grave stays hungry.

Rather than resisting and grieving the Holy Spirit by disobedience, we are to submit to God as His beloved children and do what pleases Him.  The Holy Spirit always empowers and guides us righteously as we read in passages like Ephesians 4:29-32:  "Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. ³⁰ And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. ³¹ Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. ³² And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you."  We are saved by faith in Jesus, and we are to live by faith in Him, looking to Jesus to guide us as the Holy Spirit moves us.  By God's grace we can know truth from error, repent of our sin, and walk righteously.

Fellowship With God and Others

Wherever truth is found, we can be certain there will be many errors.  Jesus identified Himself as the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and the world has opposed His claim at every turn.  We have all heard the suggestion there are many ways to come to God, that truth is relative or subjective to our views, and our life consists in what we have.  All of these statements are exposed as false by the revelation of God in scripture, divine truth and wisdom for life which has endured and triumphed over all manner of attack.

The truth is often not complicated, but our struggle can be to distinguish it from all the lies that spring up everywhere.  It is familiarity with the truth of scripture that aids believers to disregard falsehoods that have swept others to ruin.  There are people who will not consider entering a church building or read a Bible because they have the idea they need to "get right" with God first.  This suggests several dangerous misconceptions.  The first is the assumption we can get right or stay right with God by what we do.  It is not getting right but being made righteous by faith in Jesus Christ as the first step to being born again, receiving forgiveness, reconciliation and enjoying fellowship with God.  Going to church is in no way a claim of perfection before God or man, for every Christian and seeker are sinners in need of God's grace.  Reading the Bible is not reserved for priests and preachers, for it is God's word all people need for life.

It is not only the lost or uninitiated who can give place to falsehoods, for Christians can unwittingly suffer from lies we believe.  I remember once our pastor exhorted us from 1 Corinthians 11 not to receive Communion in an unworthy manner.  I knew I was struggling (and in reality dominated) by a particular sin so I decided not to receive Communion because I did not want to run the risk of chastening or judgment:  in other words, I played the hypocrite by not receiving Communion rather than confessing my sin and repenting right then!  Jesus came this earth and went to the cross to atone for my sin, yet in my self-righteousness and fear of punishment I chose to hold onto my sin as a Christian.  I unrespectfully declined to partake of the broken bread that symbolised the body of Jesus broken for me; I refused the cup that symbolised the blood of Jesus shed for my sins and atonement because of sin He died to save me from.  I foolishly thought I did the right thing to not eat and drink, as if only the "worthy" could earn the right to partake through sinless perfection.  In a vain attempt to avoid hypocrisy I blindly embraced it.

1 John 1:5-7 reads, "This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. ⁶ If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. ⁷ But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin."  Walking in the light is different than walking according to the light.  Walking in the light does not mean sinless perfection, but when the Light of the world and the illumination of God's word reveals sin in me, I am to remain in the light by acknowledging my sin, confess and repent of it without excuses, and go on walking in obedience to Jesus.  If we have forsaken the gathering of ourselves together with fellow Christians, walking in the light means we humbly admit we have been slack and go to church.  Backsliding ought not to be our identity, for Jesus has made us to be strong in the LORD and stand in the power of His might, feed shod with the preparation of the Gospel of peace.  Jesus Christ has given us the opportunity to have fellowship with Him and other believers, and if they judge us harshly for our faults God will address their error in due time--even as He has chastened and corrected us.

Godliness and Contentment

When my eldest son was learning to pray out loud to God, he said something that makes me smile to this day.  Shortly after our kitchen had been remodelled, before a meal he rattled off a series of things he was thankful for.  As he made a sweeping gesture with his arm he said happily, "And thank God for the countertops!"  We never had new countertops before, and we were all pleased to have them.  His exuberance over our remodeled kitchen was unexpected and fun to see.

At Calvary Chapel Sydney we are studying through the book of Ecclesiastes, and Solomon was no stranger to new or nice things.  One thing he discovered, however, was no matter how many nice things he had they would not remain his forever:  new things quickly grow old, and things in themselves cannot provide meaning or satisfaction.  We only had our new countertops for a short time before they took damage from an exercise ball that inadvertently knocked a chisel into the bench surface near the sink.  It was a test for me:  would I become angry and frustrated over the damage?  Would I justify bitterness or resentment because of what happened?  How could we take precautions to prevent this from happening again?  Was I praising the LORD with gratitude the chisel had not landed on a little foot or hand?

In contrast to those who believed gain was godliness, Paul wrote in 1 Timothy 6:6-7:  "Now godliness with contentment is great gain. ⁷ For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out."  Whether Paul had money in abundance or was on a tight budget, he discovered contentment in God that did not depend on his present circumstances.  Paul was content to walk the streets of Jerusalem as a free man or be incarcerated in Rome.  He maintained the eternal perspective knowing he came into the world with nothing and would leave the same way.  While quality countertops are useful, we cannot take them with us.  Those who realise in God all our needs are met can be genuinely thankful and grateful for all we have and not be addled with covetousness over what we do not have--which leads us not to appreciate all God has provided.

Should it become apparent our outlook is marred with greed, covetousness or discontent, many people "try" to be content--as if that is the problem in itself.  The reality is, our lack of contentment is evidence of lack of godliness.  Children of God can fight a continual losing battle to be content in the LORD when we have not first acknowledged and repented of our greed and covetousness and thanking God for all He has given.  Confessing and repenting of our sin is a critical step to walk in godliness with contentment.  Our good God will see to it we will remain troubled should we remain unrepentant in sin.  Contentment is not carelessness or rejection of material possessions but gratitude, thankfulness and joy in the LORD who has given us all that pertains to life and godliness.  We can be thankful and praise God for all He provides for us--even when a chisel gouges the counter.  In our God is only gain, and by faith in Him we can be content by His grace.