From Wretched to Glorious

"If You treat me like this, please kill me here and now--if I have found favor in Your sight--and do not let me see my wretchedness!"

Numbers 11:15

Based on the words of Moses, his wretchedness was a truly awful thing.  He begged for God to kill him rather than to be confronted with his own inadequacies, failures, folly--not to mention his own unbelief.  It does not appear Moses was at all inclined toward self-harm or truly desired death, but he was totally disgusted by his own wickedness and depravity.  This is why many respect Moses, for by faith in God he was a righteous man, a friend of God, meek and humble.  Statements like this make him relatable to those who also realise the ugliness of their own wretchedness, our eyes having been opened by God to see the sobering truth about our own sin.

Today as I drove on my way to do errands suddenly a series of bad experiences from my past flooded through my mind one after another.  One was a cringeworthy thing I said; another exposed sinful motives of my heart.  As I shook my head in disgust with myself, I was reminded of this statement from Moses.  I did not ask for the LORD to kill me here and now, but the displeasure of confronting my own wretchedness was acutely felt.  Moses desired to have favour in the sight of God, and it is truly God's grace that He opens our eyes to see our sinfulness, need for pardon and transformation.  As much as I would love to never remember those terrible experiences with my wretchedness on display, I can see value in God using them to remind me how unlike Him I am in my flesh.

Eliphaz spoke truly in Job 5:17-18, "Behold, happy is the man whom God corrects; therefore do not despise the chastening of the Almighty. ¹⁸ For He bruises, but He binds up; He wounds, but His hands make whole."  God forbid His people should be smoke in His nostrils, arrogant hypocrites who are "holier than thou" and see no need for repentance from sin in them.  When self-righteousness creeps into our hearts it makes us very sensitive to the flaws of others and simultaneously blinds us to our own wretchedness.  It does us no good to boast in our sins or to wallow in past failures when we are called to repent and do what is good.  We can look back with longing over regrettable sins of the past we cannot change, or we can turn our eyes to Jesus who is glorious for healing and wholeness.

When God reminds us of our wretched natural state, we are given the choice to dwell on our faults or to to humble ourselves in repentance and look to God who is holy, righteous and a saviour for all who cry out to Him.  I love how Jesus makes all things new, and as Christians we no longer yoked to the past as what defines us.  Our new identity is found in Jesus Christ, and our future is bright and glorious even if our past (which includes what happened earlier today!) is sordid and repulsive.  God saw our wretchedness and sent His only begotten Son Jesus so we sinners could be redeemed and forgiven.  In light of such love, let us fix our eyes and desires upon our glorious Saviour with joyful admiration.