Train up YOUR Children

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."

 Proverbs 22:6

Those God has blessed with children have the important responsibility to train our children to serve, honour, and worship God.  We cannot relegate the meaning of training to only include what pertains to this temporal life, like household chores, manners, social behaviour, or instilling a good work ethic.  Deuteronomy 6:6-8 explains that teaching children of God through His Word and modeling worship of God is the primary role of parents, contrary to what many believe today:  "And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. ⁷ You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. ⁸ You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes."  God delivered His Word so we might know Him in truth.  If would not matter if my children later in life embraced successful careers as doctors, soldiers, salesmen, lawyers, scientists, or travel agents:  if I have neglected the training and nurture of my children in Jesus Christ, then I have failed in the primary purpose of my calling as a parent.

A grave error among many parents in the church today is the reliance upon pastors, youth pastors, and Sunday School teachers to provide the bulk of their children's training.  I talked with someone recently who lamented the lack of a strong youth group at their current church.  "I had my son meet with a youth pastor to talk about some things.  I mean, he's not going to listen to me."  This is sadly not the first time I have run into this persuasion.  Don't get me wrong - pastors and teachers can have a huge impact on a child's life.  But God designed the family to be the place where kids receive godly instruction and a biblical worldview.  The life of a disciple of Christ must be established, modeled, and taught at home.  If it is not done there, one hour with a church "professional" will likely only soothe the conscience of parents who feel inadequate to train their kids.

Churches have been traditionally good at teaching facts and information.  From a young age, children grow in knowledge.  What does the scripture say?  The second part of 1 Corinthians 8:1 says, "...Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies."  Because of this, many of the kids who are brought up in churches tend towards being legalistic Pharisees without a relationship with Jesus Christ.  They become dull to the Gospel through much hearing.  The church is intended to reinforce what is already being taught at home.  If the love, grace, and doctrines of scripture are not being modeled at home, Christianity becomes compartmentalised in a building where people attend services once or twice a week.  This is a prime reason young people "fall away" when they enroll in university or enter the work force.  It's likely they didn't actually "fall away" but were never close to God - they simply stopped going through the motions of coming to a building.  Because the foundation of a relationship with God was not modeled in real life by people closest to them, kids are convinced Christianity must be a show:  it is a pastime for adults who go to church and drag along their kids because they think church is good for them, like eating spinach.  When the kids grow up and buy their own groceries, they don't buy spinach unless they realize the health benefits and have grown to enjoy the taste.  And when they wake up on a Sunday morning, they roll over and choose to sleep in.

I have been convicted lately that when I was a youth pastor, I spent much more time preparing for study, training, and teaching other people's children than my own.  God has gifted me to teach, and therefore it was good for me to pursue and cultivate this gift.  But as much time as I spent praying for, studying with, and teaching other kids, I should have set aside at least that much time for my own.  After all, I am primarily responsible before God for teaching my wife and two sons.  My family should have been my priority to train in the admonition of the LORD.  Many pastors fall prey to overwork and the neglect of family, and that is why some "PK's" (preacher's kids) have the reputation of being wayward.  Their dad can be so busy teaching and counseling others that he has neglected to train his children as he ought.  Praise God that it is not too late!  I have resolved to make the training of my family in the pursuit and worship of God a greater priority than ever before.

How about you?  As a parent, have you embraced the responsibility of training your children in their spiritual walk with Jesus Christ?  Even if your children are grown, it's not too late to model a life set apart for the glory of God.  Ephesians 5:14-17 reads, "Therefore He says: "Awake, you who sleep, Arise from the dead, And Christ will give you light." ¹⁵ See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, ¹⁶ redeeming the time, because the days are evil. ¹⁷ Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is."  It is God's will that children be trained in the admonition of the LORD by their parents.  The LORD will be your strength!

Love God, Love Others

While watching the Australian Open on television yesterday, several times an ad to promote the new season of "The Biggest Loser" (Australia edition) was shown.  A woman spoke of how she needed to love herself and be self-confident before she could be a contributor to a loving relationship.  After the woman tipped the scales at over 150 kilos, shame was evident on her face when she saw her weight revealed in large digital numbers for all to see.  "Sorry Mum," she said sadly, embarrassed for her mum as much as herself.

I have started working through the Biblical Counseling Foundation's Self-Confrontation manual of late.  Part of the role of the manual is to lay the foundation for a biblical world view through scripture.  One of the rhetorical questions asked in the preface is, "Don't I have to learn to love myself before I can love others?"  The conclusion is terse and shocking for those who would answer in the affirmative:  "Questions like these reflect the fact that many people are following false teaching that has been present since the beginning of time but is gaining unprecedented popularity in the church today.  It is the "doctrine" of self-exaltation and self-gratification.  This preoccupation with self is based on a misunderstanding of one's relationship with God, is unbiblical, and deters spiritual growth." (1991 edition, pg. 11)

The problem which the Bible exposes in all people is not our lack of love for ourselves, but our lack of love for God.  Ephesians 5:29 says, "For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church."  Some of us nourish and cherish our bodies too much.  We can all fall into the trap of making a god of our belly, eating and drinking to excess.  Whether or not weight is something you struggle with, everyone struggles with something.  Maybe we have even moved past the point of struggle, having given up all hope of change, and choose instead to embrace and make part of our identity the very thing which holds us captive.  I remember a conversation with a man who had embraced his alcoholism:  "Yeah, I like to drink beer!  I think of myself as a happy Friar Tuck."  This man embraced his love for beer, the very thing which was ruling his life.  He was confident in himself because in his mind, being a happy, heavyset, beer-loving man like the fictitious Friar Tuck wasn't a bad thing at all.  He earned his belly and esteemed himself very highly - despite his physique and drinking habits.

If a man places confidence in himself, he places his confidence in what will certainly fail.  Beauty, fitness, health, physical ability, careers, family, quick wit, strength, and skills will all pass away.  Speaking for myself (and I'm sure you can relate!), our bodies and abilities which we could once count on are beginning to deteriorate.  There are things I used to be able to do I no longer can do because of the erosion of my skills or certain injury.  I don't ride skateboards or play tackle football any more.  I no longer jump out of trees, run a 5 minute mile, or drink 2 liters of soft drink a day.  Proverbs 31:30 states, "Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised."  The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

The world tells us that we need to love ourselves and pursue happiness through gratifying the flesh.  The Bible teaches us our greatest need is to love the God who already loves us, no matter how we look or feel.  Instead of looking at ourselves as being naturally good, we are wise to take the scriptural view:  Romans 7:18 says, "For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find."  When we turn our eyes upon the righteous perfection of God, we see in His light that we are completely bankrupt of all goodness.  Then we can begin to appreciate the love, grace, and mercy of Jesus Christ towards us, that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.  This does not mean we hate ourselves.  Because of the value and love that Christ has graciously bestowed on us, we can place our confidence in God alone.  We can say with Paul, "By the grace of God I am what I am."

Being happy does not mean I must turn a blind eye to my many faults.  True joy comes from the fact that God knows my faults and still loves me.  Christians no longer need to ride the roller coaster of self-esteem which changes on the conditions in our lives or the numbers on the bathroom scale.  We can rest upon the rock solid truth of God's love, acceptance, and forgiveness.  My confidence is fixed upon the unshakable truth and unalterable character of God.  It is from receiving the love of God, not my own fickle love, which empowers me to love others.  Jesus says in John 14:27, "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."  Jesus has loved us with an everlasting love and accepted us, so we not need fear rejection.  Receive God's love today.  Only then can we love one another as Christ has loved us.

Jesus: the Good Shepherd

I've been thinking about the mutually beneficial relationship between a shepherd and his sheep.  A shepherd is not motivated about what is best for himself, but what is best for the sheep.  It is in his best interest to provide safe pasture, free from noxious weeds and potential predators.  The shepherd will seek clean, slow moving water for the sheep to drink.  He will apply medicine to infections, rising up early and staying out late.  A good shepherd puts the needs of the sheep over his own.  He does not labour to manage the flock because it is convenient.  If he tends the sheep with care for their safety and health in mind, they will yield valuable wool in good time.

Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."  Jesus is the Good Shepherd, and Christians are sheep of His flock.  All things the Good Shepherd allows in our lives will work together for our good.  The salve may sting when first applied, but it will promote healing.  The Shepherd and Overseer of our souls already owns the cattle on a thousand hills, so we don't have to worry about Him fattening us for butchering.  He has provided for us all things that pertain to life and godliness.  What He asks of us is that we would trust Him completely, whether it means to lie still when He shaves our wool or needs to draw blood for testing.  Jesus would have us look into His eyes, knowing that our present suffering is nothing to be compared with our future glory freely given us by Him.  Even when following Jesus brings physical death, it only ushers us more promptly into eternal life.

In Pink Floyd's song "Sheep," we see the world's perverse and woeful perspective of the Christian life.  A portion of the song goes:

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want
He makes me down to die
Through pastures green He leadeth me the silent waters by.
With bright knives He releaseth my soul.
He maketh me to hang on hooks in high places.
He converteth me to lamb cutlets,
For lo, He hath great power, and great hunger.

Though Pink Floyd might be rock-n-roll gods to some, this twisted view of God comes only from the father of lies, the devil.  God speaks in Psalm 50:11-15:  "I know all the birds of the mountains, and the wild beasts of the field are Mine. ¹² "If I were hungry, I would not tell you; for the world is Mine, and all its fullness. ¹³ Will I eat the flesh of bulls, or drink the blood of goats? ¹⁴ Offer to God thanksgiving, and pay your vows to the Most High. ¹⁵ Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me."  God is not a bloodthirsty sadist who requires the slaughter of His people to satiate His lust for power.  Jesus died and rose again to defeat death!  He is the Lamb who willingly went to the slaughter!  All who repent and trust in Christ will never need to sip from the bitter cup of death but experience life eternal.  Jesus said in John 11:25-26, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. ²⁶ And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this?"

Hebrews 9:27-28 reads, "And as it is appointed for men to die once, but after this the judgment, ²⁸ so Christ was offered once to bear the sins of many. To those who eagerly wait for Him He will appear a second time, apart from sin, for salvation."  For those who have repented and trusted in Christ, He is a Good Shepherd and Saviour.  But for those who deny and reject Christ, all are headed as goats to the slaughter.  What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his own soul?  Broad is the way that leads to destruction, but Jesus is the narrow way that leads to eternal life.  Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  No one goes to heaven except through Him.  Jesus says in John 10:9-11, "I am the door. If anyone enters by Me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture. ¹⁰ The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. ¹¹ I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep."

Snail or Stomper?

Today I mowed the lawn front and back.  As I wheeled the bin over to the middle of the front yard, I noticed a snail in the driveway with a freshly cracked shell.  Feeling bad for the little guy struggling for life, I moved him off to the side.  I must have accidentally damaged the shell as I focused on filling the tank with petrol, priming and starting the mower, and cutting the grass.  After the job was done I walked by the area where I placed the snail.  Some ants found him and were very excited.  I was actually sad.

This kind of thing can happen all the time, and not only with snails.  We can hurt other people without intending to be malicious.  We can be so focused on the job at hand that we don't notice when we trample on feelings with harsh or careless words.  Damage can be done that we never even see.  When feelings are hurt, there are often two parties involved.  Early in my Christian walk, I was more on the stomping end.  Now I do my best to tread softly and slowly.  Despite my best efforts, I'm sure I'll accidentally step on a few more snails and unfortunately on some feelings before my time on earth is done.

People are different than snails, in that they have God-given responsibilities if they are either a snail or a stomper in the case of offense.  Jesus says in Matthew 18:15, "Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother."  Unlike a snail that cannot speak, a person who has been hurt or offended has the responsibility to go to the one who has caused the offense and bring it to his attention.  For clumsy footed people such as myself, this verse is very appreciated.  It brings things to our attention we could not see before and fosters reconciliation, humility, forgiveness, and unity.  It also frees me when I am offended to reveal hurt in which a brother had a role and see Jesus do an amazing restorative work.

Everyone who walks the earth will fulfill both roles of being snail and stomper.  No matter how careful we are, sometimes we take a bad step.  No matter how tough a shell's exterior might be, deep inside people are all very tender and soft.  Jesus is the one who gives us wisdom to approach our interpersonal relationships with humility, love, and grace.  He is the one who makes us to dwell in unity!