Bursting the "Christian" Bubble

No matter what our standards are, life will force upon us a barrage of choices.  We will be forced to decide if we will have that fifth cookie, what movie we will watch, whether we should pay extra on the mortgage this month, or if diet Dr. Pepper actually tastes like regular Dr. Pepper.  As parents we not only have to make decisions about our lifestyle, but we must set boundaries for our kids.  Some parents make well-defined boundaries, and others let their children live as they please.  Boundaries to some are no different than a bubble!  Due to hurts they may have experienced as children, many parents work hard to protect their children from every potential worldly influence.  Boundaries are important.  But it is possible to make boundaries so restrictive for the child to be stripped of the decision making process when it comes to morality.  When "obey" or "disobey" are the only decisions to be made, when real choices present themselves many teens and young adults are actually tested for the first time and are usually away from the instruction of a parent.  The results are often disastrous.

All healthy human bodies have an immune system.  This immune system is able to isolate and destroy potential threats to the health of the body.  From 1971 to 1984, a boy named David Vetter lived in Texas who was basically born without a functional immune system.  Any exposure to germs would be fatal.  So he basically lived inside of a bubble and wore special suits designed by NASA.  I was intrigued by this quote from an article:  "Even though David was only five, he recognized his difference and dreaded what the future held - limited choices, feelings of alienation and an increased need to be polite and compliant so as not to reveal his anger."  This struck me as similar to the feelings of many kids whose parents construct a "Christian" bubble around them.  Because all choice is taken away and compliance is demanded, their anger grows.  By the time David was a teen, the doctors had great concern.  "Doctors feared that as a teenager he would become even more unpredictable and uncontrollable."  They decided to operate, and in a few months David became ill with cancer and passed away.  Life had become unbearable in the bubble, and outside the bubble he could not survive.  I have such respect for this tough little guy who faced unimaginable struggles.  The emotional fight must have been as strong as his battle for physical health.

David's case is extreme, and another example is equally compelling.  When the Europeans arrived in the Americas, the Native Americans were absolutely devastated by the common cold.  Without having been exposed to the flu before, the antibodies in the native people were not able to combat the virus initially.  Because medicine was far from what we have available to us today, countless people died as a result.  I have seen the exact thing happen in "churched" kids.  All their lives they have been confined under strict rules and guidelines given for their own "protection."  Like the Native Americans who became deathly ill from the influence of foreign germs, churched kids are easily overcome by worldly influences and temptations.  "Churched" is not the same as "Christian!"  Their anger and resentment builds towards God and church life in general.  When they finally are free from parental authority, many run as far away as possible from a semblance of Christianity and are hardened in their rebellion.  Why?  They see being a Christian as having rules.  They rebel against the bubble and relish to make their own choices even if it kills them.

I read a parenting book which emphasized, "Let reality be the teacher."  As Christians we often fall into the trap of thinking our job is to insulate our kids from reality and even consequences.  I would rather my child be cured of his rebellion under my care than a vain attempt when he is 22 in college and far away or far gone!  It is wise to protect our kids from obvious dangers, like sexual predators, pornography, drugs, alcohol, and friends who are bad influences.  But whenever possible, we should allow our kids to make their own decisions followed up with an opportunity for instruction.  For example, my oldest son Zed wanted to play a video game at his friend's house that was a "Mature" rated game for violence.  I could go with the bubble method and immediately say, "No rated M games.  Period.  End of story."  That would only allow the potential resentment and bitterness to grow inside of him.  So I did something a little different, even for me.  I said, "Zed, you make the decision.  If there's a lot of blood or cursing or stuff you know is wrong, don't play the game.  Let the LORD show you what to do."  This gave Zed an opportunity to make his own decision concerning one of those "gray" areas that will challenge us all our lives.

So after Zed came home, we talked about what had happened.  "Dad," Zed began.  "I'm thinking I made a bad decision."  "What do you mean, son?"  "Well, I played the game...but after I played it I realized I probably shouldn't have."  And then we were able to have a wonderful conversation about the choice Zed made and how he could make better decisions in the future.  It built trust between us rather than resentment.  We were able to talk about what was actually wrong with the game for Zed and encouraged him to seek forgiveness if he was in sin.  He will actually trust our decisions as parents more because we let him make a choice.  In this case it was a controlled environment.  I would never have done this with something blatantly sinful or harmful.  Take every opportunity to reason with your children according to the scriptures.  Instead of throwing out their music CDs because "That's the Devil's music!" it would be better to look carefully over the lyrics.  Allow them to see how the message lines up with the message of scripture.  Then they will make an educated decision.  Either way, you're effectively teaching them the process.

Jesus never told parents to isolate their children from the world.  Instead we are to be light in a dark world, the salt of the earth coming into direct contact with the world's wisdom to turn people to Christ.  We are to teach our children and raise them in the admonition of the LORD, not insulate them from making real decisions.  Our children are like ships on a billowing ocean.  The world will woo them with tempting breezes, subversive currents, and the sway of satanic temptations.  Our job as parents is to guide and direct them, teaching them of Christ and demonstrating a life set apart for God.  Someday your children will take the helm full-time.  Wouldn't it be wise to hand them the wheel while they are still young?  No person would ever think to send their children out in a sailboat without training or guidance. That soul would not doubt face the real threat of shipwreck!  We would never even allow an adult to fly a plane without expert supervision!  Instead of spending all our energy trying to protect our children by environment control, let's seek God's control of their hearts from within.  Let us cultivate in them not a reliance upon their parents for guidance, but a complete trust upon God for His leading according to the truth of the scriptures.