No matter what our standards are, life will force upon us a barrage of choices. We will be forced to decide if we will have that fifth cookie, what movie we will watch, whether we should pay extra on the mortgage this month, or if diet Dr. Pepper actually tastes like regular Dr. Pepper. As parents we not only have to make decisions about our lifestyle, but we must set boundaries for our kids. Some parents make well-defined boundaries, and others let their children live as they please. Boundaries to some are no different than a bubble! Due to hurts they may have experienced as children, many parents work hard to protect their children from every potential worldly influence. Boundaries are important. But it is possible to make boundaries so restrictive for the child to be stripped of the decision making process when it comes to morality. When "obey" or "disobey" are the only decisions to be made, when real choices present themselves many teens and young adults are actually tested for the first time and are usually away from the instruction of a parent. The results are often disastrous.
All healthy human bodies have an immune system. This immune system is able to isolate and destroy potential threats to the health of the body. From 1971 to 1984, a boy named David Vetter lived in Texas who was basically born without a functional immune system. Any exposure to germs would be fatal. So he basically lived inside of a bubble and wore special suits designed by NASA. I was intrigued by this quote from an article: "Even though David was only five, he recognized his difference and dreaded what the future held - limited choices, feelings of alienation and an increased need to be polite and compliant so as not to reveal his anger." This struck me as similar to the feelings of many kids whose parents construct a "Christian" bubble around them. Because all choice is taken away and compliance is demanded, their anger grows. By the time David was a teen, the doctors had great concern. "Doctors feared that as a teenager he would become even more unpredictable and uncontrollable." They decided to operate, and in a few months David became ill with cancer and passed away. Life had become unbearable in the bubble, and outside the bubble he could not survive. I have such respect for this tough little guy who faced unimaginable struggles. The emotional fight must have been as strong as his battle for physical health.
David's case is extreme, and another example is equally compelling. When the Europeans arrived in the Americas, the Native Americans were absolutely devastated by the common cold. Without having been exposed to the flu before, the antibodies in the native people were not able to combat the virus initially. Because medicine was far from what we have available to us today, countless people died as a result. I have seen the exact thing happen in "churched" kids. All their lives they have been confined under strict rules and guidelines given for their own "protection." Like the Native Americans who became deathly ill from the influence of foreign germs, churched kids are easily overcome by worldly influences and temptations. "Churched" is not the same as "Christian!" Their anger and resentment builds towards God and church life in general. When they finally are free from parental authority, many run as far away as possible from a semblance of Christianity and are hardened in their rebellion. Why? They see being a Christian as having rules. They rebel against the bubble and relish to make their own choices even if it kills them.
I read a parenting book which emphasized, "Let reality be the teacher." As Christians we often fall into the trap of thinking our job is to insulate our kids from reality and even consequences. I would rather my child be cured of his rebellion under my care than a vain attempt when he is 22 in college and far away or far gone! It is wise to protect our kids from obvious dangers, like sexual predators, pornography, drugs, alcohol, and friends who are bad influences. But whenever possible, we should allow our kids to make their own decisions followed up with an opportunity for instruction. For example, my oldest son Zed wanted to play a video game at his friend's house that was a "Mature" rated game for violence. I could go with the bubble method and immediately say, "No rated M games. Period. End of story." That would only allow the potential resentment and bitterness to grow inside of him. So I did something a little different, even for me. I said, "Zed, you make the decision. If there's a lot of blood or cursing or stuff you know is wrong, don't play the game. Let the LORD show you what to do." This gave Zed an opportunity to make his own decision concerning one of those "gray" areas that will challenge us all our lives.
So after Zed came home, we talked about what had happened. "Dad," Zed began. "I'm thinking I made a bad decision." "What do you mean, son?" "Well, I played the game...but after I played it I realized I probably shouldn't have." And then we were able to have a wonderful conversation about the choice Zed made and how he could make better decisions in the future. It built trust between us rather than resentment. We were able to talk about what was actually wrong with the game for Zed and encouraged him to seek forgiveness if he was in sin. He will actually trust our decisions as parents more because we let him make a choice. In this case it was a controlled environment. I would never have done this with something blatantly sinful or harmful. Take every opportunity to reason with your children according to the scriptures. Instead of throwing out their music CDs because "That's the Devil's music!" it would be better to look carefully over the lyrics. Allow them to see how the message lines up with the message of scripture. Then they will make an educated decision. Either way, you're effectively teaching them the process.
Jesus never told parents to isolate their children from the world. Instead we are to be light in a dark world, the salt of the earth coming into direct contact with the world's wisdom to turn people to Christ. We are to teach our children and raise them in the admonition of the LORD, not insulate them from making real decisions. Our children are like ships on a billowing ocean. The world will woo them with tempting breezes, subversive currents, and the sway of satanic temptations. Our job as parents is to guide and direct them, teaching them of Christ and demonstrating a life set apart for God. Someday your children will take the helm full-time. Wouldn't it be wise to hand them the wheel while they are still young? No person would ever think to send their children out in a sailboat without training or guidance. That soul would not doubt face the real threat of shipwreck! We would never even allow an adult to fly a plane without expert supervision! Instead of spending all our energy trying to protect our children by environment control, let's seek God's control of their hearts from within. Let us cultivate in them not a reliance upon their parents for guidance, but a complete trust upon God for His leading according to the truth of the scriptures.
17 November 2010
16 November 2010
Sunday School Danger!
There are a lot of positive things to say about Sunday School for kids. For parents, however, there is a hidden danger. Decades ago it was not uncommon for kids to attend the same service as their parents. This gave parents an opportunity to explain thoroughly what had been preached and apply it personally to the lives of their children. Frankly I do not know the exact history of what has brought us to the current system of kids having their own separate classes with activities, crafts, and snack apart from convenience. As much as children have benefited from having a class geared to their level of understanding, teachers have also grown through the preparation and prayer for children and services. This is good. But I believe parents should live as if their kids never went to church at all. Allow me to explain.
Sunday School attendance has the power to subversively deceive parents into thinking their children are being taught the Word of God and thus have all the spiritual training they need. This causes parents to shirk their God-given duty of taking a proactive role in their children's spiritual growth and understanding. It insulates the parents from concern or care of their child's relationship with God. The fact their kids go to church and hand them a coloring page or craft every week makes them content. Have we become ignorant to the fact a huge majority of "churched" kids fall away from God entirely after they leave home? They become hardened from much hearing. There is nothing more dangerous to a child than church attendance without a real walk with God. This "churchianity" breeds spiritual pride, boredom, disillusionment, hardness of heart, and hatred of church gatherings.
I suspect the vast majority of children who go to their classes are never engaged in their heads or hearts with observing, interpreting, and applying scripture. If they were their lives would bear the long-term results of fruitfulness. The fact is kids learn very quickly how to behave in a Sunday School environment. Be quiet at the right time, answer "Jesus" when a question is presented, and colour inside the lines. To have the teacher pull his parent aside would mean discipline, so the child learns to behave according to proper church decorum. Therefore the kids who are the most quiet are considered attentive and Christian, while the kids who struggle in the class environment are seen as the ones who must be reached - or at least conditioned to be quiet and attentive like the rest. All parents want their children to go to heaven. But the stark reality may be few do little for their children's spiritual benefit aside from a weekly taxi service to and from a church building.
Deuteronomy 6:4-9 reads: "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one! 5 You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. 6 "And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. 8 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes." God commands us as parents to teach our children of God, His righteous laws, the truth of His Word, to provide an environment at home that nurtures spiritual growth, answer their questions, live out biblical truth constantly as an example, and to cultivate in their hearts love for God. It is well said that "more is caught than taught." Sunday School will never replace this personal instruction with a complimentary Christian witness, nor does church attendance free us from our personal duty and responsibility to teach and train our children in the admonition of the LORD. Do you know how many millions of souls have been doomed to hell by a parent's poor example? I would say even more have been lost because of lack of instruction, prayer, and carelessness. God says through the prophet in Hosea 4:6, "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge..." Why should our children perish because of our negligence?
Speaking for myself as a "churched" kid, my heart was virtually never engaged in Sunday School. It was little more than reading comprehension: a story was read and we would answer questions about it. I cannot remember scripture being applied to my life. Sadly, I believed my job in Sunday School was to make sure everything the teacher said was correct according to scripture. I had a reputation among my peers and teachers of knowing everything about the Bible, but I harboured a critical spirit in pride. I strained out the gnats and swallowed the camel! God used an atheist college professor and public university to humble me and compel me to seek Him. Questions were asked I had never heard in Sunday School! The validity and social relevance of the Bible were not assumed like in church services. I was forced to either throw out everything I believed or actually discover the person of Jesus Christ as revealed in scripture. Don't get me wrong. I had great Sunday School teachers and godly parents who took the time to disciple me. But it was not until I was confronted with a challenge from a godless environment that caused me to develop spiritually.
When I was on staff at a church, God convicted me that I was not performing my duty as a parent to personally instruct my children. My kids are very well-mannered, obedient, and respectful in church. They know that if they do not behave there will be consequences! But because of their attentiveness and knowledge, they were flying under the radar. It is a sad truth knowledge can often pass as spirituality, though knowledge of God's Word does not mean a person knows God! My wife and I repented of our lax leadership, and instituted a "Bible night" where we discuss a basic doctrine of scripture. It marked the start of us walking in obedience to God in teaching our children of Him. One day a week is still not enough impart all the spiritual nourishment needed. Like the scripture states, we should be diligent to instruct them concerning God when we rise up, lie down, walk in the way, or sit in our house. God's truth should be so plastered all over our lives that when our kids see us they see Jesus Christ. I am not saying we should be legalistic, but on the contrary: our relationship with Jesus should govern our thoughts, mouths, activities, intentions, and attitudes.
Please do not fall for the lie that Sunday School provides all the spiritual nourishment and instruction your children need. It is not the primary job of Sunday School teacher or a pastor to instruct your children: it is your job! Instead of working to create a "Christian bubble" around our kids, let us labour to have Christ living inside them. No matter what struggles they face or what fiery darts Satan throws at them, they can stand firm upon the foundation of Christ as revealed in scripture when we are faithful to instruct and encourage them. Let us instruct with our lives as well as our mouths. Have you taken steps to lead your children to Christ today?
Sunday School attendance has the power to subversively deceive parents into thinking their children are being taught the Word of God and thus have all the spiritual training they need. This causes parents to shirk their God-given duty of taking a proactive role in their children's spiritual growth and understanding. It insulates the parents from concern or care of their child's relationship with God. The fact their kids go to church and hand them a coloring page or craft every week makes them content. Have we become ignorant to the fact a huge majority of "churched" kids fall away from God entirely after they leave home? They become hardened from much hearing. There is nothing more dangerous to a child than church attendance without a real walk with God. This "churchianity" breeds spiritual pride, boredom, disillusionment, hardness of heart, and hatred of church gatherings.
I suspect the vast majority of children who go to their classes are never engaged in their heads or hearts with observing, interpreting, and applying scripture. If they were their lives would bear the long-term results of fruitfulness. The fact is kids learn very quickly how to behave in a Sunday School environment. Be quiet at the right time, answer "Jesus" when a question is presented, and colour inside the lines. To have the teacher pull his parent aside would mean discipline, so the child learns to behave according to proper church decorum. Therefore the kids who are the most quiet are considered attentive and Christian, while the kids who struggle in the class environment are seen as the ones who must be reached - or at least conditioned to be quiet and attentive like the rest. All parents want their children to go to heaven. But the stark reality may be few do little for their children's spiritual benefit aside from a weekly taxi service to and from a church building.
Deuteronomy 6:4-9 reads: "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one! 5 You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. 6 "And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. 8 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes." God commands us as parents to teach our children of God, His righteous laws, the truth of His Word, to provide an environment at home that nurtures spiritual growth, answer their questions, live out biblical truth constantly as an example, and to cultivate in their hearts love for God. It is well said that "more is caught than taught." Sunday School will never replace this personal instruction with a complimentary Christian witness, nor does church attendance free us from our personal duty and responsibility to teach and train our children in the admonition of the LORD. Do you know how many millions of souls have been doomed to hell by a parent's poor example? I would say even more have been lost because of lack of instruction, prayer, and carelessness. God says through the prophet in Hosea 4:6, "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge..." Why should our children perish because of our negligence?
Speaking for myself as a "churched" kid, my heart was virtually never engaged in Sunday School. It was little more than reading comprehension: a story was read and we would answer questions about it. I cannot remember scripture being applied to my life. Sadly, I believed my job in Sunday School was to make sure everything the teacher said was correct according to scripture. I had a reputation among my peers and teachers of knowing everything about the Bible, but I harboured a critical spirit in pride. I strained out the gnats and swallowed the camel! God used an atheist college professor and public university to humble me and compel me to seek Him. Questions were asked I had never heard in Sunday School! The validity and social relevance of the Bible were not assumed like in church services. I was forced to either throw out everything I believed or actually discover the person of Jesus Christ as revealed in scripture. Don't get me wrong. I had great Sunday School teachers and godly parents who took the time to disciple me. But it was not until I was confronted with a challenge from a godless environment that caused me to develop spiritually.
When I was on staff at a church, God convicted me that I was not performing my duty as a parent to personally instruct my children. My kids are very well-mannered, obedient, and respectful in church. They know that if they do not behave there will be consequences! But because of their attentiveness and knowledge, they were flying under the radar. It is a sad truth knowledge can often pass as spirituality, though knowledge of God's Word does not mean a person knows God! My wife and I repented of our lax leadership, and instituted a "Bible night" where we discuss a basic doctrine of scripture. It marked the start of us walking in obedience to God in teaching our children of Him. One day a week is still not enough impart all the spiritual nourishment needed. Like the scripture states, we should be diligent to instruct them concerning God when we rise up, lie down, walk in the way, or sit in our house. God's truth should be so plastered all over our lives that when our kids see us they see Jesus Christ. I am not saying we should be legalistic, but on the contrary: our relationship with Jesus should govern our thoughts, mouths, activities, intentions, and attitudes.
Please do not fall for the lie that Sunday School provides all the spiritual nourishment and instruction your children need. It is not the primary job of Sunday School teacher or a pastor to instruct your children: it is your job! Instead of working to create a "Christian bubble" around our kids, let us labour to have Christ living inside them. No matter what struggles they face or what fiery darts Satan throws at them, they can stand firm upon the foundation of Christ as revealed in scripture when we are faithful to instruct and encourage them. Let us instruct with our lives as well as our mouths. Have you taken steps to lead your children to Christ today?
14 November 2010
More than Appreciation
I'm preparing a Bible study for Tuesday night, and I was deeply challenged by the introduction. I find that God must challenge me first so I can properly convey the truth of His Word to others. Hopefully it is an exhortation you too will find profitable!
Can man ever appreciate God enough? Our appreciation is limited by our awareness. An infant which is practically blind and without understanding has hardly the capacity to appreciate all the parents have done for his survival and growth. What pains a pregnant mother takes in eating food and dietary supplements which promote heath, and abstains from drink and activities which could do harm. What of the purchase of clothes, buying a crib, a safety seat for the car, cleaning wipes, diapers, ointments, and the arranging of a nursery? The child realizes none of this. The baby cries when he is hungry, feels the stab of a gas pain, or when he is held in the arms of a stranger. But appreciation? This the child in his immaturity can hardly conceive of himself, much less appreciate anything.
The danger is this child will later in life take for granted all the love and blessings given by his parents. He will assume there is goodness in him which makes him unworthy of anything less than what he wants, and in fact deserves much more than his parents have provided. This is the place where Christians can find themselves, goaded by selfish desires to wallow in discontent while disillusioned by entitlement. What great things God has done for us, and how easily we forget the blessings we have received by God’s grace! God does not simply free us from the pit, but adopts us as sons. He does not punish us according to our iniquities, but rewards us according to his grace and mercies. He does not doom us to eternal servitude in chains under a grievous yoke of oppression, but God delights to make us kings and priests unto God for His glory. No longer outcasts, we are co-heirs with Christ! Gone is our guilt, and replaced with joy, comfort, and rest forevermore! Instead of lamenting what we do not have, let us rejoice in who we have in Christ! Let us spend more time thanking God for who He is than begging Him to give us what we want. After all, we have been created by God for God, and He is our Redeemer and Savior whom we owe all things. Isn’t more than appreciation in order?
12 November 2010
What's up? A quick look...
Last night I went with John and Tina Graves to the house of Paul and Christina for a Thanksgiving meal and celebration. 2010 will mark the second time in five years the I will spend the American holiday of Thanksgiving outside of the U.S. It was fun to watch a downloaded football game ("gridiron" in AUS) and sit around the table with friends new and old. No one cooks a Thanksgiving meal like my dad or grandpa, but it was delicious just the same.
No matter where I am or what I eat, I can give thanks to the same God. Celebrating a holiday is so different from house to house, especially from country to country! The more and more I experience in Australia, the more I am struck by differences. When I woke up this morning, I did the washing (laundry) and hung it outside to dry. I vacuumed the pool, read my Bible, played with the dog, and tried to figure out why my computer keeps crashing when I watch streaming video. Just the daily morning routine on a Saturday!
I'm growing a mustache with Ian (worship and youth leader from church) in honor of Movember, an Australian fundraiser to bring awareness and supply money for men's health, specifically prostate cancer and depression. Abel cracked me up on Skype when he said, "So instead of Thanksgiving you have Movember all month?" One of the catchphrases is "Grow a mo, help save a bro." How mustache can be shortened to "mo" I'll never understand. Some people say it is rhyming slang, but it doesn't rhyme at all! But they do both start with an "m!" It's probably better than saying, "Grow a stache, give some cash..."
Tomorrow I hope to shoot some clips of people at church to make a video to show at church back in the States to introduce them personally to their Aussie brothers and sisters in Christ at Calvary Chapel Sydney. We put in an application to rent a house in a suburb near the church and we're praying that God would open that door. Our household goods are due to arrive on December 16th, and the house will be available on December 17th so that would be perfect. It seems like an ideal setup, and may God's will be done! We're still waiting on our FBI background checks and need to schedule physicals for the visa completion.
After preaching at CC Sydney Sunday morning, on Tuesday God willing I will lead a Bible study at a local home fellowship. I'm still thinking and praying about what the text from scripture will be. On Friday, Ian, Paul, and myself are scheduled to fly to Perth and drive five hours to Calvary Chapel Albany to attend the Word Conference. It should be an awesome time to hear gifted speakers, meet up with Christians from all over Australia, and enjoy worship and fellowship. God willing the travel will be smooth and seamless.
The longer I travel this path of faith in Christ, the more I realize I am a pathetic man who needs His strength. There are continual temptations to cease setting my mind on things above, and set it on things of this earth. I read a passage from A Minister's Obstacles by Turnbull that gave me encouragement. "...They never made Bunyan a doctor of divinity nor anything else of that honorable sort. But three degrees had already been granted to him that neither Cambridge nor Oxford could either give or withhold: 'to wit, union with Christ; the anointing of the Spirit, and much experience of temptation" (pg. 73-74). God has seen fit to give me the first two degrees by his grace, and I am determined to obtain the third by his grace as well. God help me!
Praise the LORD that He is unchangeable and not limited by location or time restraints! I am experiencing grueling separation from my wife and kids, but when I look to the LORD I find in Him all I need. It is not easy but no trial was ever intended to be! It is through separation that our priorities are re-focused, and our weaknesses and false supports are revealed by God to us. The house we desire to rent is on "Supply Court" which was another reminder of God's promise to me and all believers in Philippians 4:19: "And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." What more shall I say? If Christ is for me, who can be against me?
No matter where I am or what I eat, I can give thanks to the same God. Celebrating a holiday is so different from house to house, especially from country to country! The more and more I experience in Australia, the more I am struck by differences. When I woke up this morning, I did the washing (laundry) and hung it outside to dry. I vacuumed the pool, read my Bible, played with the dog, and tried to figure out why my computer keeps crashing when I watch streaming video. Just the daily morning routine on a Saturday!
I'm growing a mustache with Ian (worship and youth leader from church) in honor of Movember, an Australian fundraiser to bring awareness and supply money for men's health, specifically prostate cancer and depression. Abel cracked me up on Skype when he said, "So instead of Thanksgiving you have Movember all month?" One of the catchphrases is "Grow a mo, help save a bro." How mustache can be shortened to "mo" I'll never understand. Some people say it is rhyming slang, but it doesn't rhyme at all! But they do both start with an "m!" It's probably better than saying, "Grow a stache, give some cash..."
Tomorrow I hope to shoot some clips of people at church to make a video to show at church back in the States to introduce them personally to their Aussie brothers and sisters in Christ at Calvary Chapel Sydney. We put in an application to rent a house in a suburb near the church and we're praying that God would open that door. Our household goods are due to arrive on December 16th, and the house will be available on December 17th so that would be perfect. It seems like an ideal setup, and may God's will be done! We're still waiting on our FBI background checks and need to schedule physicals for the visa completion.
After preaching at CC Sydney Sunday morning, on Tuesday God willing I will lead a Bible study at a local home fellowship. I'm still thinking and praying about what the text from scripture will be. On Friday, Ian, Paul, and myself are scheduled to fly to Perth and drive five hours to Calvary Chapel Albany to attend the Word Conference. It should be an awesome time to hear gifted speakers, meet up with Christians from all over Australia, and enjoy worship and fellowship. God willing the travel will be smooth and seamless.
The longer I travel this path of faith in Christ, the more I realize I am a pathetic man who needs His strength. There are continual temptations to cease setting my mind on things above, and set it on things of this earth. I read a passage from A Minister's Obstacles by Turnbull that gave me encouragement. "...They never made Bunyan a doctor of divinity nor anything else of that honorable sort. But three degrees had already been granted to him that neither Cambridge nor Oxford could either give or withhold: 'to wit, union with Christ; the anointing of the Spirit, and much experience of temptation" (pg. 73-74). God has seen fit to give me the first two degrees by his grace, and I am determined to obtain the third by his grace as well. God help me!
Praise the LORD that He is unchangeable and not limited by location or time restraints! I am experiencing grueling separation from my wife and kids, but when I look to the LORD I find in Him all I need. It is not easy but no trial was ever intended to be! It is through separation that our priorities are re-focused, and our weaknesses and false supports are revealed by God to us. The house we desire to rent is on "Supply Court" which was another reminder of God's promise to me and all believers in Philippians 4:19: "And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." What more shall I say? If Christ is for me, who can be against me?
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